Thanks Grace and Whitelight. I never felt in my heart that H wanted this divorce. I think he needed the sense of finality before he could face up to his reckless behavior and the damage it caused.
H has not talked to the kids yet. He has not seen them since September 2006 and even then it was a brief meeting and very awkward. H was still in the throes of his affair back then and didn't have much of himself left over to give to his family.
It was good that son heard H break down on the phone a couple of weeks ago so that he could hear the true remorse in H's voice. My son said later, "Mom, I know you have told me about Dad breaking down before but I didn't realize how bad it was until I heard it for myself".
So I think there is a chance that son will eventually open a door for H, even if it's just a crack. I don't think my DIL will be that generous toward him. I can understand her position because he did hurt the grandkids badly.
The really sad part is, the grandkids have quit asking about "Papa". These are their formative years and H has not been around for 2+ years. I don't know if there will ever be a place for him in their lives again, but I hope so.
I'm not sure if there will be a place for H in my life either, beyond friendship. I love him (not the MLC monster) and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him. But it will take a long time to rebuild the trust.
I'm not closing the door on H but I'm not putting my life on hold for him either. In the meantime, I'm praying a lot about this so that I will do what God wants me to do.
