Good points, thanks. My biggest and defenseless position is that I DID IT TO HER, despite her positive response during the LAST EVENT. If I can get back into the house the lovemaking issue will immediately come up and I will need to be able to address this issue with respect, sensitivity and knowledge. Problem is right now is that she isn't taking responsibility, or at least the condemnation far exceeds the acknowledgement of participation.
I must find a DB answer to address this, especially the "vaginal trauma" issue because she was in so much pain and she "won't ever let that happen again". It's a deal breaker, I tell ya'. I anticipate having to deal with this fairly soon. Maybe talking to a gynecologist or other medical doctor or therapist can arm me with information. Then talking to her with respect, showing her how I am working on being sensitive, less aggressive in getting her to participate (differing sex drives, and she often obliged, but grew tired of the constant requests). Gotta find a way to light her fire as Dr. Ellen says. Another Db'er recommended this tape series. I'll check it out.
