Hey bud. Glad to hear you're doing well. I just put my myspace page together a couple days ago after my friends kept on pushing me. Here it is myspace.com/lonelobo07 I know a couple other members have sites on here as well. We should join up as friends.
Now to hijack your bb a little bit with my update. W and I are working on both the parental and marital asset D agreement. She faxed me a copy of the parental agreement yesterday saying that we will have joint custody with her having custodialship and primary residence. I will then have visitation with no child support. I dont think so! I will either have custodialship or we will have joint custodialship. Luckily, the woman in my office is dating a guy that has gone through this before and is going to give me a copy of his joint custodialship agreement. On a different topic, I made the mistake of pursuing my waw one last time yesterday morning after waking up to my 2 yr old daughter crying for her daddy. She sleeps upstairs with my waw. I asked her one last time that she is 100% sure that this D is what she wants. That I know she gave me plenty of oppurtunities to change over the years and work on us but I that I never took her seriously. I told her that I think we still have what it takes to make it work but that it does take 2 and that I feel myself detaching more and more everyday. And that my feelings for her are changing. I dont think she heard any of it but I still needed to say it one last time before I go through with this D mediation.
Sorry to go off on my rant.
You're an inspiration to us all. One last question. I don't have much luck with the ladies once I tell them that I am still technically married but going through the divorce. Maybe I'm going after the wrong girls What's you're secret for meeting the "understanding" ladies?
I hear ya! When my H wanted to work it out I was seeing someone I really was having fun with. Just starting to get into the groove again :). The here he comes. I wanted it and didn't at the same time. I struggled with it for a couple of weeks. I'm finally getting what I wanted and was working for and now it is here and I'm not sure I want it?? What’s' up with that? I think it is natural. We all have such pain that we have worked through and are a little scared. I am happy I decided to make a go of it with my H. I hate to say it but the way we are now. The last seven months was the best thing to happen to our M. In out case the issues we had kind of worked our way through it. I guess we really both new what we need to do and are just doing it. This part is a little strange for me. Since we DBers have spent so much time on "changing" I thought we would have to have a big sit down talk about all the issues. I guess that is where we are to treat people the way you want to be treated. This is so true. I am really proud of my H he is really working hard too. He will be upset at the kids about something and usually turn to me and blow. I was so shocked the other day when this happened. I automatically thought to myself, here we go. Didn't happen he was really nice to me. That is a HUGE step. In the past ALL (no matter who it was or why) was my fault. So, IMO I think it is normal to be a skeptic. You are out there having fun and getting attention. It feels good and a big ego boost. Something you haven't had in a long time. When or if the time comes you will figure it out. Take care, Sally
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Hi Nomo! You sound great. Does w know that you're dating? I know you said that you wanted to renegotiate the terms of your s. Have you done that?
Yes. At least she knows I can date theoretically, and probably assumes I am, but doesn't know any details. Two JC sessions ago I said if W was still not willing to work on the M, that we needed to re-visit the "terms" of our separation. She still isn't willing. So, I told her I didn't feel like wearing the ring all the time (she just nodded), I told her I wanted to date because I am lonely I want to be able to go to dinner with someone or a movie or whatever (she also nodded, and when the C told her that it is possible someone will see me on a date, W said "well, I would hope he would be discrete." I replied, "does that mean you expect me to only go out at 10 pm on a Thursday well north of our home city?" no response), that I would like to alter the living arrangements, but have no good ideas how (nodded again), and that I would like to go public with our separation/impending divorce. The last one is the one that has her frozen. She is worried she will look bad, it will ruin her careeer and/or that I will trash her and this will get ugly. That issue has not been resolved, but I promised not to go "public" (though I can and am dating) until we talk further about how to resolve the going public issues.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Hi I have been lurking and reading here for months just not posting about my sitch in case you were wondering. But I had to come out of my hiding because I have a few things to say. It has come quite clear to me that you have let your wife and your marriage go (ok I know guys I'm stating the obvious here)(good for you by the way) with that said your wife hasn't clearly let you go. And I feel that's just down right selfish. And I think if this were me I be down right pissed off. I mean come on she worried about her image. This is your life here that she is playing with. You have every right to go on with your life and date publicly if you want. Screw her and let her deal with the consequences that she created. I'm tired of her excuses for holding you hostage. I mean come on I hope your not bying this BS about you trashing her and ruining her career because we all know on this board that you are going to be fair with her...there are the kids to think about and I know and everyone else knows how much you love those kids, so your not going to do any of that to her. It just seems like its her way of controlling you and the sitch.
In a sense it feels like that your both beating around the bush here. Come clean tell her your dating and tell her that your not hiding it anymore and tell her you want a divorce if that is what you want. Tell her that your tired of waiting on her and that you want to get the ball rolling. Don't let her assume nothing anymore. You have nothing to lose. I mean she said that she is still not going to work on the marriage so tell her to file the paper work. I know that this not what Db has taught us to do. But so many times on this board I see people asking when is enough enough. What I have found out from my own sitch is that you have to make that call yourself. So I ask you this question Nomo when is your enough?
Your a great guy! You deserve all the happiness in the world. I guess thats all I'm really saying here. I just want you to be able to pursue whom ever you want to pursue and not give a second thought to her and her image...and to be able to kiss your date in broad daylight...
You know I just might be totally off the mark here....and take it all of what I said with a grain of salt. This is just my perspective.
Just stopping in to say I'm so happy to hear you doing so well (and causing a bit of a stir---what's up with deleted postings and missing bits of hot note others referred to??). You sound fantastic!
Glad to see you're doing well. You're the only reason I check back on the board, to see how your sitch is going. And it's headed where I thought.
It's tough to break that cycle and detach, but once you do, it's amazing how the sky brightens up. The woman I am currently dating, was a WAW, who has been away from her LBS for 2 1/2 years, divorced for the past 1 1/2 years. Yet, she is still dealing w/ the almost nightly drive-bys, calls and TXT messages. I almost laugh when she tells me, thinking how I was once like that, although I think it only lasted about a month for me, not the 2 1/2 years this guy is wasting of his life. I feel bad for the guy, knowing the position he is in.
I se it now as new beginning, and not an end.
Me: 41 W: 38 Son7 M 13 years 3/07 Bomb "This marriage isn't working for me anymore" S 5/26/07 Thread
What's you're secret for meeting the "understanding" ladies?