Dave, This is an important issue that the 2 of you should deal with in a joint counseling session. Can you go with her to a session with her counselor, or can you find a different counselor to work with you together.
To me it is parallel to anorexia, where the person does not see the same reality that others see. Others see a thin person, but the anorexic sees a fat person. In this case, you believe that you love her and are doing everything to express that love, and she doesn't see it. Is it a question of differing realities? Mixed messages? Different love Languages? There are a lot of questions to explore here.
