Sue, I am in something of a similar sitch... I know how hard it is when you just feel so sad, and just want ot feel like SOMETHING, ANYTHING is normal and OK. what do you do for you? Do you have any hobbies, interests? Can you go with a friend for a pedicure, even? I have a couple of hobbies and lots of interests, but getting off my rear and engaging in them is so hard right now, I know. You just have to. Ask your friends for support. It is more of an honor to give it than to get it; so don't be afraid to ask!
Remember to "act as if". Have you read Michele's book where this is described? How about the 180 plan? And, I am often SO hard on myself when I screw up. don't be. you will on occasion, and that's all right- even when taling to your H, if you bring up something you feel you shouldn't have, or begin to over react. See if you can reign it in and apologize (not for feeling how you feel or saying what you said) but simply apologize for going to a place you didn't mean to go. I have even said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I really didn't want to bring that up. Just forget it." Try it. It is pretty powerful. I have found doing this will sometimes draw more conversation/info out of the recalcitrant H. At the very least it diffuses the current thread, and you will feel better. Remember that each time you feel better, you are reminding every cell in your body how that feels, and it will get easier!
You can only be human, and you wll falter, but the more you take care of yourself and your kids, the better you will feel. This will build on itself. Be gentle and kind with yourself.
