Friends are saying to pack up her stuff, get her to pick it up, send her her half of the bills, get a new phone number and don't give it to her, do not respond in any way to any more texts/e-mails, and cut off contact entirely to let her see what she's missing. But I'm afraid it would be a case of out of sight, out of mind.... This isn't a criminal--it's someone I love and care about and want to work things out with. But how can I do that with the OP in the picture and getting larger than life every day?
The reason, I think, that what your friends advise has a chance of working, is that you're not at your best right now. To your partner, at least, you're not an object of romance, but a wounded and pitiable person she probably dimly realizes she's hurt. You're her guilt-object. To change that perception, you have to be less in her life, not more in it. When the OP becomes the reality, and you are the warm memory: that's when you have a chance of reeling her back in. You do not take a risk in making yourself scarce. The only risk for you is in pursuing. It will backfire for you as surely as it will backfire for your partner in her pursuit of the OP. Right now, the dramatic triangle is firing her romance. Your partner is "grounded", she thinks, but she is simply high on drama. Why else would she practically beg you for a passionate, jealous scene?
Once you retreat, in as good order as possible, there's just the two of them, and the problems they create together. You cease to be a "problem" for them, a constant subject of discussion, and, I suspect, criticism. In a weird way, you likely bind them more tightly together. It's only when you can begin to act in unexpected ways---rejecting their script---withdrawing---that you will discover your real power.
