I watched that show on Oprah today that mk gave the heads-up on. There was one family who had a mom who left them...
Quote:
Gary (the therapist) says children often blame themselves after a divorce and secretly believe that they can somehow fix things. "Kids want to feel responsible for the divorce because it gives this some sense of control that 'I can make them come back,'" Gary says.
Daisy tells Gary that she tried to look pretty to make her mom want to come back. And Kris says he gave his mom "puppy eyes" and bought her a ring with his allowance, but she didn't want it.
This is the time when Gary says a parent needs to break the cardinal rule. "Children in these circumstances, we cannot have them feeling that they are somewhat responsible for the rejection from the parent who has abandoned them. So that's the time when we have to say to our children, 'It is wrong as a parent not to be there for your child.'"
Gary explains to Daisy and Kris, "Sometimes people have problems in their mind and it limits them and it stops parents from giving the love that children deserve. Your dad is here because you guys are terrific and you deserve to have two parents. And if you have this one, that's going to be good enough. You did not make her go away and you cannot make her come back."
To help them express their feelings, Gary has Daisy and Kris write letters to their mother.
