My H dropped the bomb 8 months ago. He still lives in the house with us. I got the I don't want to work on the M, I'm done, I want to have other R's up to and including falling in love with someone. We did some talking for about a week then nothing. I aske him to go to MC he said no, but that if I wanted him to come with me he would. I asked if this was so he could "dump" me on the C and he admitted it was. Nice huh? Anyway, I've closed a small business (money drain) and I now work part-time, looking for a "real" job. I question is he's home until I get a "real" job or if he's saving etc. Bottom line is there is no way to know. I call it "life on the razor blade". There is no way to know what they're thinking or what their time line is.
So, having said all that. I wouldn't say ILY. I would work at GAL. You say you're not sure what to change. Who do you want to be next year, in two years, five years etc? What are YOUR intrests. The only changes you should make is the ones you make for you. Anything else won't stick anyway. You practive yoga, do you meditate? I find this helpful in making decisions for myself. Let's face it though we're in a wierd position b/c they're still in the house so you feel like you have to consider them. If things are friendly and you can bounce some important decisions off of him fine. Otherwise, I wouldn't. I keep the conversations to "light" topics or if it's really important about our D's.
I know you've never been independent. It doesn't matter. You can and will be. Is a another option? If there is I missed it on my form.
I hope you have good instincts. My were shot and I'm just starting to be able to trust them again.
Personally, I wouldn't care how "put out" your D19 is with regards to helping some around the house. She's old enough to realize the stress in on you. While i agree if you can talk to her and use reflective listening that's great. If not, does she live there and does she want to continue that arrangement? I get lax with mine sometimes, but when I say step up, they do.
Remember this takes alot of PATIENCE. Do you have enough fight in you? After all, "It ain't the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog."
Flirt, but don't race for the goal line (ML). Let him lead here. Try not to take anything personally, This is really hard, but detaching will save your sanity. Even if you get angry, if you can state what's on your mind without screaming, it usually works better.
