Still Seperated and Hopeful

[KMFLA]

My H was hoping counseling would help us and that's why he was willing to go. I sometimes wondered if it helped him with the "guilt" he was feeling as well.

[Aud31]

My biggest problem is and has always been my expectations. I allow her actions to give me expectations. After last week, I felt that it was over and I felt a lot better. Then she keeps initiating R talks and then the C thing. She sucks me in....

There ya go. Work on the expectations. Make a plan:

When CW calls and starts talking C, R, blah, blah, blah, I will:

1-kindly but firmly end the conversation as quickly as possible.
2-put on headphones and listen to the loudest, rockingest song I can find to get said conversation out of my head. (insert any activity that will get her words off your mind)
3-when the conversation comes back into my head, I will repeat in my mind or out loud if necessary the words: I enjoy a happy, commited relationship with a beautiful, moral, healthy woman.

It has been well put here that your W is confused, does not know what she really wants, and is blowing in the wind. She knows you, how to manipulate you, and whether she's doing it consciously or not, only you can make the choice to stay on or step off her roller coaster.

[mcojh]

Just back from a 2x4ing from Frank_D. The man tells it like it is and I would like to publicly thank him for listening to my snivelling and whining and setting me straight.

I will be the alpha male I am destined to be.

I will not let her control me any longer.

[frank_D]

good.

Here's someone else who needs a 2x4. I think you could give him some good advice

Lesters Story

[mcojh]

OK, MC is getting weak. CW has called several times and made an excuse to come over. I never answered and made sure that I was gone when she stopped over.

She left me a semi-snotty message saying she had stopped by and she was inquiring if I was ignoring her calls or what......

Give me strength.

[Yoyowife]

Okay, now call her back and say "I'm sorry I missed you, I was at the gym or whatever. What did you need?" Be pleasant just with her like you would with a co-worker or neighbor.

[Aud31]

She left me a semi-snotty message saying she had stopped by and she was inquiring if I was ignoring her calls or what......

This is manipulation: she knows her message will make you sweat.

[mcojh]

You're right Aud. It did. I almost called her. Theo talked me down.

She left the message what she wanted. No need for a call.

[Aud31]

Know what? I'm proud of you.

One step down. 94,000 to go. You'll get there. Just take it a step at a time.

((hugs))

[mcojh]

She just called me at home. I had gone to conferences for S16 and she wanted to know how it went. She asked if I got her message earlier. I kept it short and she ended the call with, "sorry to bother you"

Whatever.