day by day

[Dr LOve]

Hey LWB,

I did not check my E-Mail Yet. Sorry to hear about the bronchitis.
Just think, if you caught a cold. Delia and Yoyo could have started rumors about you and me....

LWB, just read your response. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I HOPE my W thinks the same.



Husband

[SallyM]

(((HUGS))) lwb, I'm so sorry you are so sick! take care of yourself. wish I were there to make you some soup and take the burden off a bit.

of course you are angry. of course you are resentful. one of the things my friend said to me is the more you do, the less they have to do. he doesn't have to ask because he knows you will take care of it. maybe tell him he needs to step up more re: sitters and such. I think what helps with H and I is that now that we are separated, we have definite nights that are his...only a couple, but he knows he is responsible for finding a sitter for those nights (although I have first dibs on having the kids, if he's going out...that much we learned after last month's fiasco).

not stuff you should be thinking about right now. just take care of yourself, hope you and the kids are feeling better soon.

[SueS]

lwb-

I'm so so sorry to hear that you're sick. Not fun. I usually have to be pretty sick for H to really take control of the situation.

I'm also sorry to hear that your H is still calling OW. Is she accepting his calls? I mean, not that it helps you because I know that you want him to be the one to want to stop. I just thought OW's H said NO CONTACT.

Where are there heads.....seriously??? How can you just abandon what you have without trying to make it work. Without sitting down and saying....this is a problem instead of turning to someone else & then saying.....but you should have known. I'm so angry that my H told me to be stronger yet was weak enough to turn to someone else. I would NEVER, NEVER do that.

Well, I hope you & the kids are better soon. Wish I could help out.

Take care-

SueS

[runningoutoftime]

LWB,

You may need to be a little more forceful with your H.... like dropping the kids off and telling him you need an hour or two to sleep and recover!

Another thing.... when he's living away from you make sure you copy out all receipts of money spent on the kids that you'll need reimbursement for. I used to do this, and I'd add a little note thanking him in advance and writing how appreciative I was for him taking care of this (and also add a little happy face). Eventually he found these bills completely overwhelming (taking care of mortgage, rent and utilities on two households) and became quite frantic about the whole money thing. That was a nice big slap of reality!

[LL44]

Thanks everyone. I am having a pity party and need to stop.

Sara-Even H admitted his dad's house isn't ready for kids. Some days he'll talk about getting it ready for the girls to stay there, then he'll say it'll just be him there, who knows!

Saffie-thanks!

TAL-Yes, space might be good this weekend. I just feel like he is getting what he wants, going out on the weekends, sleeping in, THEN the kids when he's good and ready. Me? He can take or leave me.

morgan-You used the word "resentful" and that's how I feel today. I just am tired of HIM being lost, does that make sense. I am resentful that I am having to live in limbo, feeling like 2nd choice, stepping up for everything else while he figures out what he needs.

SueS-As far as I know, OW is not taking his calls at all. OW's H put a no contact on ANY phone call. I just worry she will cave and answer. Repeat after myself: I can't control it. I can't control it......

Its just pathetic (yes, pathetic) to me that he is still calling her DAILY, like he is pursuing her. It makes me sick.

ROOT-The money thing won't apply to us, I make about 75% of the money. We still share the same bank account and I always pay the bills.

Thanks everyone.

[nephartiti]

Hang in there, lwb. ((((HUGS)))

I understand your frustration with H. That's one of the alien characteristics, I believe. It is part of their selfishness, but you definitely are justified in your feelings. In fact DR talks about how, when things start to turn in the lbs's favor, all the feelings you put on the back burner are going to surface. Give yourself space to deal with these. Just take care of yourself. This has been a very stressful time for you and illness takes advantage of a stressed out body.

Hope you feel better soon.

[SallyM]

trust me, lwb, I understand the resentment. I do. we are juggling everything, keeping all these balls in the air, taking care of things, being the responsible one, trying to keep our lives chugging along as well as trying to save a marriage that the other spouse seems hell bent on destroying. its exhausting.

[LL44]

thanks neph. My body definately reacted to stress this time around. I am whipped.

I just wish he would let go of OW. I know, I know, our problems really have nothing to do with her, but we can't tackle any of OUR problems when he is still attached.

Pity party over.

[Yoyowife]

L,
I'm so sorry you're sick. I get bronchitis every year and it's no fun at all and to have sick babies on top of it all. Wish I could come keep your girls for you! Please try to get some rest.

Yoyo

[runningoutoftime]

Its just pathetic (yes, pathetic) to me that he is still calling her DAILY, like he is pursuing her. It makes me sick.

Uuuuh, I have a feeling OW will get sick of it too. I'm so sorry. Do something good for you. Also, if you make the bulk of the money you might want to consider opening a second bank account in your own name and let any joint bank accounts dwindle down.... if you haven't already.