I think I have to know things... otherwise I just wonder and wonder. Thank you ladies for sharing your personal thoughts and experiences with me. Saffie, your husband has a diary or journal? Cat, I understand your V obsession. I also wonder if OW had fake boobs. I once asked my husband what those "felt like" since OW had them (total assumption on my part!). He just wouldn't answer me. He's used to me. But I do just wish he could be open about everything so I wouldn't just naturally come up with these tricky ways to try and pry out information. I don't even think about it! It just comes out of my mouth!!! I think if the information were laid out, I wouldn't do this. I'd just know and the information would rest there.
Now with the sex... he never has ever complained about time, but I seem to have grasped onto this idea that I take a long time. I think one reason is our timing is so different. My husband is quick and I take much longer. We are just so opposite in all ways.... without foreplay we'd never be a match, but I think I probably take too long with that too. I probably need to read more books on this. Early in piecing I told my husband I was going to grill other men about this topic to figure out what was "normal" in women, abnormal, what actually is "good" or "great"? How does one even compare about something like this? How can something so simple seem so difficult to understand?
Saffie, I know in time these triggers fade away and sort of disappear. At least the pain does. I remember with my husband's first A (over 10 years ago), there's a park where he ate lunch and "made out" with OW (how tacky!!!!). Anyhow, I remember long ago feeling enraged every time I thought about that or we drove by it on the freeway. Now if I drive by I do still think of it, but it has aboslutely no feelings or pain attached to it. The whole thing seems so extremely remote. So these things really can fade.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
