This would be the third time he's left me. Round one--nasty EA culminating in PA. Short, but explosive. I'd never heard of DB, but wanted to give it another go anyway.
A few months later, things fall apart again, and we were separated again. He gets this female roommate, some sort of EA thing going on, I stumble on DB. He stills says no PA occurred, I do believe him. DB works great, we reconcile, spend the next year and a half working on issues.
After a couple of years, I'm feeling pretty healed. I think things are fine again. We move across the country (new start) and decided to try for a baby.
I become pregnant very quickly. About halfway through my pregnancy, guess what...he's decided he 'can't take it' and 'wants out'. Full blown crisis-mode. (He's literally like two different people.) He is suddenly gone all hours of the night, doesn't answer his phone, moves into spare bedroom, and begins EA with a woman 10 years younger than him. (She is, incidentally, no longer around.)
After two rounds of this before, I have sworn I won't deal with this again. I understand mistakes, but now this is a pattern, and unacceptable. I spend a lot of time feeling miserable, depressed, and more alone than I have ever felt in my life. (I still have resentment and anger over this...I'm working on letting it go, for my own sanity.)
We file D--it's friendly, although hurts like hell. It goes through shortly after the baby is born. My philosophy being he wants a D, so I won't stop him. I think this approach prevented a lot of animosity. (We have no formal custody agreement.)
He spends a lot of the last year on introspection. He wants me to help him sort through his head, and why he does these stupid things. Slowly, we start getting closer again.
So...basically...I'm leery because he's taken off so many times. And he has this problem with letting himself get too emotionally involved with other women. (This is an issue he is now aware of, and is working on.)
To be honest, I wouldn't give him a second thought, if we didn't have such deep conversations about our R and what went wrong. (On both ends.) They're very satisfying conversations. I see he could be making all the rights changes, but I'm incredibly gun-shy after all of this. He does have a female friend he's emotionally very close to...I'd call her his girlfriend, if it weren't for the fact that she's already married. (Big other drama there; I won't go into it now.) I'm not particularly jealous about it, seeing as he and I aren't actually together. Just this sort-of thing. He is aware he can't continue that friendship if we were to make a reconciliation attempt. Or that things would need to change between him and I if she were to get divorced. I am trusting him on this at the moment.
Okay...that's the truncated version of the story. :p
He says we spend so much time together because "it's best for the baby". I think that's only part of it. I will readily admit there is a part of me that would love to work it out...but I'm so so afraid of this pattern of his.
On the other hand, he's had so much personal growth, I think it may be possible. He's gone through one major life change in the last year without flipping on the crazy switch, so that also makes me think about it.
Clearly, I am afraid of getting hurt again. I know he has a similar fear. We've discussed before that neither of us too keen on going through another cycle, and I know he's fought himself to keep from just running back to me again.
He didn't used to be a talker. He's gotten much better at it lately. Actually, we both have. It's definitely a learned skill.
We move across the country (new start) and decided to try for a baby. 
