I hope you do not take offense to what I am about to say & I understand that I want your situation to get better:
I am starting to understand how your wife feels. I am reading through your latest pieces of your sitch and I am so FRUSTRATED. All the great advice that you give and you get on this board you do absolutely nothing with. You talk a good game on here, but then your actions are that of someone who is new to this situation and someone who hasn't read DB and does not understand any of its principles.
You just said 2 days ago that you realize that going over her house un-invited was wrong and you apologized for it to her - and then in just 48 hrs. you are doing it again? Using the excuse of needing to use the bathroom? C'mon - who are you kidding? In this situation, you should know that it would be better to use a 7-11, bush, stranger's house, snapple bottle - whatever - but you should not have gone into "her" house without asking her first. It shows that you are not giving or respecting her privacy and that you are not listening. Then you go and rummage through her drawers (which also shows the p'ing was just an excuse) - to find what? BC pills? You and everyone on this board already knows that she is with this OM. Do you really need to find out further details? The details don't make any difference to the situation. Like OT said, you just need to assume that she is and act as if accordingly.
Your ONLY chance with her is if you show her that you are independant, confident and attractive. And you do that by GAL'ing. Let alone that it will give you better PMA to help you deal with whatever end result happens. You have the hardest fight of your life ahead of you and you have the tools to win - but you keep choosing not to use them.
Think of her impression of the way you are now - seriously reflect and think about what you are showing her of the type of person you are for a couple minutes. Now think if you lost all the weight that you wanted to lose, got a personal trainer @ a gym and got very muscular, occasionaly going to the tanning salon, get a new haircut, get 2 pair of expensive jeans & some new clothes, and started joining groups to meet new people. Which person do you think has a chance with her? Visualize the person you want to be, make a plan and DO IT! It really does not take that much time or money - all it takes is the choice.
Are you meeting with a therapsit at all? I think that it might be good for you to maybe meet with someone face to face to talk to about these things. These virtual 2x4's don't seem to be working...
