I am so glad that you mentioned that. I was trying to remember exactly when that trip was. Somehow I was thinking that it was in the fall. However, I believe that was the only time during the entire pregnancy and there has been no other time since. So, I guess I was a little pre-mature on the year thing but what the h*ll another few months and we'll be there.
Oh -ya know - all the "useful advice" we offer here - we never know what might stick and what might work. Some of it does.
I think H's version of initiating is his whole Alpha male listmaker vibe - Like, "OK, I'm in charge and here's how it will be... I will brush my teeth, we will have sex and then we will go eat our breakfast, do chores followed by watching college football. I don't even mind his weird initiation. I would rather he bite the back of my neck while running a hand down my leg and say "I'm going to brush my teeth then I will be back to bed to sink them into you" but............not his way.
In my heart of hearts I am still feeling that there are specifics to this that I am just missing. I lack real information and therefore have little chance to effect change. I mean there is part of me that feels as if I am just failing to hear the message. It seems that H's message is, "Umm, I like you enough to stay married and I think we are good parents and partners. However, you just don't float my boat sexually so I will boink you a few times a year when I am totally relaxed, you are totally relaxed and the spirit moves me. Otherwise when under daily stress I will wrap myself in a comfortable bubble where I will mb as necessary and sexually ignore you until the spirit moves again. OK?" And I realize that my current behavior is saying that it is ok. Maybe if he actually said it out loud then I could figure out a way to accept it otherwise I am trying to accept his past statements that he loves me, that I am a priority and that he cares about our intimate life and reconcile them with his lack of action.
It is nice to have someone see my good points. I wonder sometimes. Lately, I often feel like a used up old hag before my time.
