I don't get the part about technically it's not an affair. Of course it's an affair. You are legally married to her, he isn't. And yes, stop asking questions you know the answer to. It's always a little amazing that the LBS believes the lies of the WAS. The affair was almost certainly physical before she ever started working on you to move out. Lying is just what they feel they have to do to get their way. And they will do anything to get their way.
He won't tuck your girls in. You will always be their only father. If she marries him, he will keep his distance from your children. She'll minister to them, not him.
IMHO it's just as well you found the evidence. There is no point being strung along by her lies and manipulation. At least you can see the situation through your own two eyes, and not thru the mask she tries to put on you.
Document. You should have proof of the affair if you end up in court. Even if you don't, her knowledge that you no longer believe her BS evens the playing field somewhat. You are no longer hers to manipulate.
Don't be too bitter. You shouldn't even be surprised. This isn't 9th grade. Adults have sex, it doesn't take long for a relationship to go there.
