I struggle with the notion of am I really grieving over losing my W, or the vision of a happy family. I am losing respect for my W for what she is doing to our family, but still hold on to the hope of reconcilation because I desparately want the family to be together and happy again. I often wonder if I did not have kids and could easily start a family from scratch with someone else, would it not be as difficult because I'm not really in love with who my W is now. I might be in love with who my wife used to be, the person who respected me, was fun, and loved me and the children with all her heart. Perhaps I need to get on board with the reality that she doesn't exist anymore and can't be recovered. I'm holding on the the vision of a happy family with her in it and it might not be obtainable. It's very difficult. As in your case, I considered her my best friend and companion and I miss that part very much.
