Regarding the C, just after the bomb was dropped, we went to see a C. She refused to do anything, and was totally shut down to our M working. We both did IC with differant C's but that was it.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
In my opinion your wife is trying to manipulate everyone involved with the situation. I would go for the marriage counseling no matter what her reasons are. I would not look deeply at the reasons she gives. She's willing to go, then good. Go. You will be able to judge her openness to the process when you see her do it. If the counseling is effective, so much the better.
I have no doubt she gives different reasons for what she does to each person she talks to. As to whether or not she will file, just wait and see. You're not doing it for her. So if she does and she follows through, then she does. And if she doesn't. The same. She is unpredictable and operating on conflicting emotion. When the wind is from the east she does one thing, and when it's from the west she does another. Don't get too caught up in it. As soon as she sees you want something, she will change it.
Must be that good night's sleep. Although at 3:25 I remember feeling like checking to see if you were online, but I forced myself to stay in the bed. Sure enough, you came on a little after that. I gave the loudest dog benedryl last night. I didn't really see a difference. I think nothing walked by the house at 5AM. Like I can control that! You see, we get along, and I still get blamed for everything.
You still 'feel sick' and you still have too much dependence on her actions determining your feelings.
Let her go. Meet for counseling while also just no longer playing this emotional game. You're just as much an enabler of her crap as she is.
You KEEP playing this game. Man up and start doing things differently. And no, don't say 'I don't know what you mean'. You know exactly what I mean.
Start being a man. The more she sees this pussy behavior, the more she stay ambivalent. WOMEN are attracted to strong men who don't play into THEIR emotional crap. If not her, then someone else who doesn't have these f'ing problems.
Anyway Frank, I do somewhat know what you mean. I had a start on the "Manning up" thing last week telling her on no uncertain terms what I felt about what she was doing etc. I told her not what I thoughted she wanted to hear, but what I wanted to say.
It was her calling about counseling out of the blue that threw me off. If you read back to the end of last week, I was prepared to move on, asking opinions as to when I could accompany a person of the feminine persuasion out to dinner etc.
My biggest problem is and has always been my expectations. I allow her actions to give me expectations. After last week, I felt that it was over and I felt a lot better. Then she keeps initiating R talks and then the C thing. She sucks me in....
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
It's like they can almost smell it when you are ready to move on and then they reel you back.
It's that kind of "I might not want you, but whilst I make damn sure, I am going to make sure no-one else gets you" scenario.
Then, it is probably you being wanted by someone else, or moving on, that changes you odour again from that of 'maybe?' to that of 'I want it back' in many cases.
Just look out for you and live your life according to your inner truth and self. Hopefully she will see you change from being a doormat to being Axminster carpet, (do you get that in the States? It's expensive quality carpeting). Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
When my H had his apartment at first he was ok then after several months he hated being there and cried and cried so many times about being alone and without the kids. He just was so confused and as difficult as it is for us LBS's these feelings are real for the WAS and they have to figure it out for themselves.
My H moved home after 7 months and that was after I told him enough was enough. My H use to say he wanted to work on the marriage and my argument was how can we work on the marriage when we dont live together. He also agreed to go to couples counseling which we did. He did think that would help but I think it was more wishful thinking on his part. He didnt get OW out of his life entirely until two years after he moved back home. They worked together in a very small office. Once he finally left the job the R with OW continued for another 3 months. H tells me he kept things hanging on a lot longer because he was afraid that OW would call me and tell me all their secrets. I tried to tell him many times that there wasnt anything he or she could tell me that I didnt already know or have suspected. H loved me and never really wanted to leave or get a D he was just very confused. He has been out of R with OW for 16 months and we continue everyday to work on our marriage.
My advice to you is to do what you can to go on with your life and distant yourself from the R talks . She has to figure this out on her own. Its painful at times for sure but I think she will realize that life with you is where she would rather be.
