What is reasonable and what is not?

[Startingover2]

Thanks so much for the replies. I think I have mentioned it before but I cannot tell my friends IRL about this. The only one that knows is my counselor. My friends already think I am crazy for even talking to my exh after the hell he has put me through in the past year. I just smile and say things are working how they should.

I don't know if I am just exhausted mentally from all of this, but I didn't sleep last night and woke up not feeling well. Normally I would load up on Nyquil and go back to bed, but can't take much being pregnant.

Had some texts back and forth with exh...nothing R related. He did come over for a bit last night and I was so tired and starting not to feel well that I had him leave after about an hour. It was akward. Like we didn't know what to say to eachother.

Call me strange...but yesterday I overheard someone talking about OW's father and how they found that his cancer is really bad and not much hope. For a few seconds I almost felt sympathy for her. Why? My own father died of cancer 22 years ago and know the pain, but why would I care about a woman who is trying to mess with my R? It did really hit me and made me feel for her......under normal circumstances I would have maybe reached out to her, but not now that she is involved with my exh.

I will continue to go dark on exh. Let him call me, etc. I just at times feel so bad for this child we are bringing into the world. I want to do whatever I can to insure a great life for him/her (we find out next week). In a perfect world exh and I would be married again and welcome this child into the world in an intact family. I really am fearful of joint custody with an infant. My other kids were much older when my first exh and I split up and there was no emotion left anyway.

That is another strange thing I think about......this is my second marriage. I was married to my first ex for 13 years but by the time we split up there was no feelings or emotions or even anger. He is now actually a great friend to me. Easiest divorce ever. This divorce with exh after only one year has been so painful and agonizing. Go figure.