HI LIH, Things are going to be quiet for me for the next few days as my H is out of town at a conference. We considered my going, but that would mean the kids would need to come along too, and they really can't miss school ( my son needs the structure of going every day, and my daughter is on the tennis team ). And I am looking forward to having space from him and thinking about all these issues. I'll still be thinking about it ( and enjoy reading this board) but I won't have to work on anything,lol.
His going away brings up the issue of trust, and I have alreadyd ecided that I am not going to get all paranoid. Either this is going to work, or it isn't. And I have to say that he has been saying and doing the right things to make me feel he is truly re-invested in the marriage. In a way, my H and I are the " simaese" twins that Schnarch talks about...we both have to come forward with ourselves. The difference is I have a tendency to get depressed, and my H, under stress, detaches.
It's interesting to me that he doesn't " feel" depression. His mind-body connection doesn't work that way. As much as I feel that he missed the boat with me and my struggles, I can see now that I missed the boat with him. I excused away the irritability and anger, which I now have learned are subtle signs of depression.
I hope the space apart will do us some good. He's in California now, and I hope he has a really great time, in a healthy way. I am looking forward to enjoying the time alone in my own way.
