Making the Move

[care]

Wow. Didn't realize that it has been so long since I last posted. School, football/cheerleading and hockey have started and the schedule is crazy/busy, as in out of control, so free time is a distant memory or a goal once football ends.

The first week of September H and I went on a cruise to Alaska. We left the kids with a sitter and we were gone for 8 days. It was wonderful. H had to go for a convention and I tagged along. H had to work during the day on most days but we did many things together and had a good time and really reconnected.
But reality comes back very quickly once we get home to our jobs,3 kids and trying to get the kids to all of the afterschool activities.
I realize that this is how I had put H on the backburner and how our M/R got pushed aside. I try to talk to him about this and he says he understands but I can sense some build up of anger/resentment (?) when after being up since 5:30AM and it is 10-10:30PM and I want to go to bed, H is asking me to just sit with him for a bit.
It all came to a bit of a head yesterday. H had an interview at the house and he made some comment about all of the papers that were piling up on the counter. It was all of the kids school stuff that had to be sifted through. I simply asked why is it my job to always do that? H got huffy and swept the stuff aside. When I tried to talk to him about it, he shut me down.
This I think is part of our problem. We both tend to avoid conflict. H shuts me down and I don't attempt to bring it back up again because the conversations don't go anywhere. Some of it has to do with the way that I spew things at H. I have realized this and have tried to put a filter on when we talk so I don't overload H with details/info. This however, will take more time for me as it isn't easy.

Last night the boys had football and D cheerleading. S10 then has hockey practice after football. H is at hockey practice already for S9's team as he is the coach. After football, I drop s10 off at the rink and go home. H comes home an hour later and asks why S10 didn't make it to practice. I had dropped him off at the wrong rink and he was still there by himself!! Of course this was not good, I felt awful.
I chalked it up to miscommunication as I had questioned where it was earlier but H didn't respond and I just assumed. Once again, H won't enter into a conversation about it with me. He shuts me down.

I don't know where this rant is going, just needed to get it off my chest. I have IC tonight so that should help. At least H knows that the schedule is insane right now and there is light at the end of the tunnel as football/cheerleading ends in 4 weeks then the kids only have hockey (including D6). So even though that will still be hectic to try and get three kids to practices/games, it will be more manageable.

And yes, somewhere in the midst of all of this, I still am working out everyday, I rejoined my yoga class for the fall. The biggest thing is making my M/R a priority and not falling into the same trap that got me here in the first place.