Hi all not sure if anyone is still reading but it feels good to journal.
Well on Friday night my H was at a wake with all our mutual friends, I decided not to go. I was told from GF that later that evening OW turned up and was all over H really pushing herself onto him, I was told that he was drunk and that my GF (it was her FIL wake) went up to her and said who are you and she said I am H girlfriends of the last couple of months – my GF told her that she was very good friends with H wife (me) and that her behavior was inappropriate and asked her to leave, I was also told that some of the guys also told H that it was inappropriate and that they left. From what I have been told everyone was very shocked as some people there did not even know we had separated, so I guess now everyone knows and is talking – part of me is very hurt by this but at least now he has to face his reality of the situation and what kind of women she is. She has been the driving force all along, she is the psycho who rang H 6 times while he was living in the house before we S and told him that she would not have an affair with a married man so he pushed me into a separation and now she is pushing herself into his social scene, she has made such a fool of herself and him. I can’t see the R with OW lasting to long as she seems very controlling and pushy – 10 times worse then me. But who knows I never thought he would cheat.
I told him he needed to come over and talk – he did. I told him that I could not believe he did this to me in front of all our friends, obviously he was pretty drunk and he did not believe me at first when I told him what I was told. I also said I have had enough that lets split and sell everything, and file for D and that I do not want him near this house. He did the we were separated spiel and it is no ones business, and then turned it all back onto me about my drinking and being a bitch, I told him I was sorry for that and that that person was gone and that she would never come back ever and that things would not be that way again whether for our R or my next R. He told me he had mourned our M 6 months ago and he has been thru all the pain, and said hurts doesn’t it – quite nastily. I told him it was not all my fault you withdrew from me he said that I had shut down already – which is partially true but i did not know how to deal with things, I said we could have fixed it at the time, and he said well we are probably a year to late. Before he was saying he was unhappy for 4 years so don’t know what happened to the other 3.
I said well end it then, what do you want, again I got the I don’t know, I just need time, He also said you did not like it when I called your bluff about moving out, I told him yes that shocked me but we could not go on living like that. He is totally not the person I know as he is so nasty its like I hurt him so he has to hurt me. I said what about our finances and wills etc. he said I do not want to change his will he wants to leave it all to me – I said why would you do that he said who else am I going to leave it to. I asked him does he want me to end it is that it, he said no he just wants this separation and some time apart. I said how are we supposed to reconnect like this when you don’t contact me, he turns it all around on me and said you told me you did not want any contact till xmas. Yes I said that when he moved out and I was very upset. Again he said he does not even know if he wants to save M. It is just so frustrating.
After all that I just told him things could not go on like this and I told him I loved him and wanted to try and make our M work but he needs to be on board, and that let’s revisit this in Dec before making any decision about house and D. He agreed. I was angry with him but I was in control of my emotions. I rang him this morning and said if he needs to do his washing he can come to the house but just to let me know. – I know I am weak but I just don’t want to be a bitch.
I go through periods where I don’t want this M anymore and think how bad he is treating me and he thinks he can do what he wants and believes that I am just going to take him back anytime he wants. We don’t have kids and our finances are very goods, so maybe I should just chalk this up as experience and move on – but how do I get my heart to stop wanting him.
So now I guess I just need to really back off and try and work out what I want. I need to get out of my head so I can think and hopefully in Dec we are in a better place to talk.
But it is so hard to let go, why will he not end this, what does he want, I think maybe he just wants to see OW but keep me as backup. It seems he is not taking this seriously like he can go and have some fun then come back when he wants.
How do I get him to take this serious without me walking away or resorting to threats he knows I would never follow through with. Any advice.
