Well, I think you are in for a bad time of it sweetie. Like I tried to tell you ((hug)), she should not have went back home before she was over the OM. The "dog" is their tie or connection or excuse or whatever the hell you want to call it.....can't you see that? The OM is still contacting her and at your house? She will not get over him like this....I can tell you that much from my own personal experience. I know....I know that if she wants to keep contacting him...she will--regardless if it is from your house or at work or wherever. That is why I personally felt she needed to completely end the A with him and get through the grieving, etc. before going back to you. It isn't fair to either of you or your R with her coming back home and bringing him alone emotionally. If she is crying to you about him......what does that tell you?
Ok, so she is back regardless of what I think about it, so what is the next step? All you can do is try to give her support as best you can and if he is on drugs, abusive, etc., protect her. Hopefully, the C can help a lot. I pray that s/he can for both your sakes. I pray that she will get her eyes open before it is too late for the two of you b/c I think she has a great H in you. It was hard for me to see the OM through clear eyes. I wanted him to be my fantasy and maybe that is where your W is with her OM. She hasn't given up on the "fantasy".
Give her space and personal time or privacy. I know that will be so hard to do. Don't pressure her where your R is concerned. You need to get advice about what WAW's consider as "pressure". For example....smothering, following her around through-out the house talking, asking questions, etc. Watching her every move.....those sort of things. Don't act like a looser or a whipped pup.....show self-respect by all means. Have boundries and let her know what those boundries are.
My H is the nicest guy in the world. But sometimes women don't treat nice guys the best in the world. (I don't know why...so don't even ask.) I'm not telling you to not be a nice guy! I'm saying that even with my nice H....I knew where the boundry line was drawn. I knew what he would not put up with! She needs to know also so she will not disrespect you. It is important that she respect you. You don't win it through abuse....which you already know that.
Gosh, I want this to work out for the two of you. You certainly have your work cut out for you. Just keep coming here for advice and to talk.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
