omg, mk, you made me laugh. I didn't know that was possible, but the leacherous creep comment just tickles me for some reason. who knows why we still love these men of ours. these men that were ours.
I am proud of how focused I stayed. I am. and how calm I stayed. one of my biggest issues was that I didn't know how to argue/fight. my parents never did. I mean NEVER. I have still never seen my parents fight/have an argument. Not healthy, btw. H comes from a much more volatile family...big, loud, in your face. they used to scare me, in fact, lol. when h and I used to argue, I would lose it, I couldn't keep my thought, I would get flustered, not know which way was up pretty much. you know the fight or flight instinct? I would flee from any confrontation if possible. I just couldn't deal. I would get anxious, to the point that my heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest and I'd break out in a sweat.
one of the biggest things therapy has done for me is change this. I don't get freaked out/anxious, I stay calm, I don't run or shut down, I hold my ground (mostly), I keep my thoughts on track. so even though this conversation left me crying, I am proud of it.
H did'nt really have anything to say after that speech. he doesn't get it...doesn't understand why I just can't open up to him. I don't even remember what was said when he left...he left not long after that speech.
don't you all wish you had this stuff on video tape sometimes, so you could play it back and see what you might be missing memory-wise, maybe learn from it, like sports teams do? I do.
good luck, mk. let me know how it goes. stay strong, will be thinking of you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
