Lost, I am glad you found your way here. I have been in the same house with my w and DB'ing for almost a year. I can honestly say if my w came back and said she would cut contact with OM and work to rebuild our M, I do not know how I would answer. I have gone so long not believing much of what she has said, or hearing what she said and then actions go against that it would take some time for my w to earn my trust back. I would tend to think he is watching your actions from afar and isn't ready to jump back in. Maybe he hasn't seen enough? I don't know, but what I can tell you by the fact that he has sought help and made changes he has done lots of soul searching. I am sure that neither of you want the old M. The EA he is in is unfortunate, but can be overcome. Try to take the lead, show him the person you have evolved into. A good start would be to cut ties with OM, don't make it a huge issue for starts, but after some time, drop it into conversation, or let him see it on his own. He is in a period that he is uncertain, no different than where you were. He may very well have issues left to deal with. The only way is to keep showing him the person you have become. Hopefully that will be enough to draw him back. I doubt he is trying to hurt you, but I don't know his side of the story, maybe he has become vindictive. I am sure he has some trust issues, have you read the Shirley Glass book? This may help you understand what needs to happen to rebuild some trust after infidelity. I think I am probably in similar shoes as your husband is at the time, I don't have an EA, but did have one indiscretion because it felt so good to be wanted by a woman after getting little attention from my w for so long. The indiscretion was not as bad as it could have been, because I stopped the physicality before it went to far, but pursued because I felt needy instead of being the caretaker for a change. Maybe this is some of what your H is feeling with his EA.
