D-Busted Now Back Here - 3 Month Update

[OneWish]

you need to stop reacting and DETACH from her in all emotional ways possible so she can begin to miss you. My DB coach said that once the LBS truly detachs -- TRULY DETACHES -- that is when the WAS actually begins to miss them and want them back. She needs to really miss you -- you AND your attention. Your reactions to her shows her attention (neg or pos), and she needs to feel you being indifferent before she will begin to reflect on herself (if she has any desire to have you back).

Thanks GoneDancing. This is a great point. I just need to put stop reacting and allow her to wallow in her pity. I am not going to react to her any more. I need to just learn to walk away and keep my pride intact. I just find myself wanting to correct everything that she does. She will make a comment and I want to show her my point or where she is wrong and that doesn't work. I was listening to David Deangelo and he said that when a person is emotional and reacting emotionally (my wife) there is nothing that you can say to try to be rational with them.

Of course, continue being pleasant, but do not show any weakness toward her in any way. Every negative thing that comes from her gets indifference from you as a response.

This is where I kind of struggle. I feel that at times, I just ignore here and won't even look at her. Other times, I'll say hi. I just need to be consistent and say hello and 'act' friendly, but not all buddy buddy, if that makes sense.

I agree that her behavior also sounds like she still loves you. She sounds like she is jealous and controlling and wants to punish you. Sorry, but that is not cold apathy. That sounds like someone who wants attention and needs to rebuild a lot of trust.

Mkultra,

Thanks for your help. This is what puzzles me. The way that she acts. I can't believe that she is just going to quit when things get rough. She is jealous and controlling. She didn't like when I went golfing, go to my parent's to watch boxing, go to my friends house, etc. I would get the guilt trip speech that I need to be a father, etc.

do you tell the kids that you will always love their Mommy? Is that something we are not supposed to do?

D4 is always asking my W if daddy can spend the night. My W did tell me that D4 asks about me a lot and she tells her that she loves daddy and that sometimes daddys don't live with their mommies.