Out of the Abyss...

[ediemarie]

Hey Gang!
Well, to describe the feeling further: I believe my H married down. I don't believe we are equals. In my mind he is more attractive than I am, kinder, nicer, more well liked, deserves better, etc, etc. Naturally, this leaves me feeling inadequate and insecure. He and I spoke about this at length the other night and he has said that he views us as equals. He doesn't see one of us being "better" than the other - (except for the fact that he had an affair, so by that standard he believes he's worse), but he has made all of my good qualities known to me. Now, one would think that these thoughts came on post-affair, but unfortunately I have always had them in this marriage - always. His affair certainly re-inforced those thoughts, but they aren't new. So, the problem that we are currently running into is that it is impossible to please me. He could stand on his head from now til eternity and won't be able to make me happy. And the unfortunate part is that no-one would be able to. The result is two people who care very deeply for one another, trying to please each other and not being able to. I feel as though we speak a different language - and I guess we do to some degree.

My H is the "friendly helpful person" whose driving force is the welfare of others, while I am the "strong acheieving person" in which power and control are my driving forces. Here he is trying to please, and here I am trying to control and it's making us a miserable match. I just feel inept at convincing my H that it is not his responbility to make me happy and that I am happy being with him. I just don't know how to get my point across in a way that he hears, understands and feels secure...