Recently I brought up some OW questions (i.e. just wanted to know they did on their Disneyland vacation together; What rides did they go on? Was it fun? What was bad about it? What was good? Was anyone else there with you guys? Where did you stay? Did you have sex that night?). My husband refused to talk about it. Whenever I ask some sort of question about it he'll say, "Why does this still come up?" and "It's over." But I'm starting to think maybe the reason he can't talk about it is it still hurts him and maybe HE hasn't dealt with it. I would rather this be something we could talk lightly about (and maybe even joke about!), rather than being the dark "unmentionable" in the corner.
Anyhow, I finally copied out the posts on this thread to share with my husband so he might understand how it's not unusual that I'm asking these quesitons. Most people do want to know details about a spouse's affair (even if it was an "exit affair"). He went out of town this week and since he doesn't have a laptop and complained he would be horribly bored, I'm hoping he'll actually read it. I even set "Not 'Just Friends'" on a shelf near his suitcase when he was packing it and he took it with him! So... maybe this is positive?
One of the problems I'm finding with not knowing the details. I'm having a hard time reattaching. It makes me feel like there's secrets and hidden things... and that makes it difficult for me to feel close to him. This doesn't bother me, but I don't think it makes for a healthy marriage.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
