I have brought these issues to my H's attention time and time again. I have stated my preferred frequency (2-4x/week) time and time again. I have had my concerns deflected over and over. I hear what you are saying - "benign neglect" isn't so benign and I agree. I guess I wanted to let him allow things to deteriorate to such a ridiculous degree that even he, a "data" kinda guy could see the problem. Previously the problem of sex 1 or 2x/month was explained away as "too busy, stressed, there was this problem or that" - well, a year gets pretty hard to explain.
And I have zero desire to fix him. I will do what I can to fix me and my contributions to the problem. I will support him if he has an issue that he needs to fix. Trouble is I don't know what the problem is and whose court it falls into in what way. I am a mental health professional and so fixing is what I do. However, I try to cut a wide swath around "fixing" my own spouse. I am not always successful at keeping from advice giving and fixing behaviors but I really try. BTW - my H claims not to see me as "needy" and "high maintenance" but that is how I feel when I am always the one to bring this stuff up.
The thing that prevents me from bringing this up tonight is one look at my H's calendar for the week. He has multiple evening meetings, many of them involving intense type issues. IMO when a person insists on bringing up something this emotional and they do so at a time that is so clearly bad it is a form of emotional abuse. Mostly women do this to men and I think it is crappy.
This weekend might be an ok time to discuss things. I really have to figure out how to approach it.
