Reading DR will help a lot. I used to read, reread and reread it (and write helpful reminders in my dayplanner!). Also read the threads on this site. There's a huge amount of very helpful information here and lots of great people too.
Your situation is like a boilerplate. They all seem to say and do the same things. I remember my husband being in that angry phase as you described. It was like an alien invaded his body! Anyhow, detach, give space and validate what you husband says so there's less chance of argument. If he says, "I don't love you and our marriage has been terrible," say, "Yes, I hear what you're saying." Even if you don't fully agree don't argue. Just agree or confirm that you are listening to his words. This will help defuse him. It may take time to do this. They can hold onto anger for a long time, but just try to be calm, and friend-like. Think of yourself as being with a crazy person (a toddler!) who cannot reason so you need to stay calm and detached. Try to avoid relationship talk and if possible create positive interactions. Do a lot of listening.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
