Now I've done it... again

[nephartiti]

lwb, I wouldn't say shopping on ebay is struggling for money, but I know he's going to need gas, food, etc. Actually, I was thinking about those big withdrawals last week. On Saturday I gave him his mail. In there (I snooped ) was a bill from the city for $134.00 for booking fees when he was arrested. That would explain the $140.00 withdrawal, anyway. I don't know if he took care of that bill, but I can try to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.

MK,

There should definitely be a discusion of these things as basic protocal before marriage. The Five Love Languages would be a good mandatory text. Then, maybe we could avoid all this mess.

I've been thinking about things, trying to understand where he's coming from. I realized something, I have experienced almost every role of infidelity. Here comes a confession. Sit down and try not to hate me. Many years ago, when I was young and stupid, I had a brief affair with an older married man. Now, looking back, I was stupid and he was clearly taking advantage of my naivete, but I still knew it wasn't right. Somehow, I justified that it was ok, because he always complained about his wife, how unhappy he was, how she was paranoid and nagging him all the time. Poor guy couldn't do anything without her looking over his shoulder (he was a repeat cheater). So now I have been the WAS, (although not married and there was no OP), the OW, and the LBS. Now I understand that man's W. I feel so horrible for what I helped put her through. I know that, as the OW, I tried desperately to hold on to him, to "win" him over. It was sick. At some point I realized it was craziness. It got so insane trying to hide and lie. She found out. He denied it. She tracked down who I was, somehow, and confronted me in an e-mail. You know what? I was afraid of her! She didn't threaten me. She didn't have to. The fear came from my knowledge that I had done something horribly wrong to this person and that I deserved to have the crap kicked out of me. Of course, at the time, I convinced myself I was scared because she was crazy! Then he called and told me that his wife wanted him to call with her there. He would be calling me and I was to deny everything, to answer all questions as if we were just friends. Do you see how much effort goes into this? I was going to lie for him, but they never called. I was scared enough of her (for him and myself) to not pursue him any longer.

Karma is a b!$^h, but the lessons learned from introspection are invaluable. I was hesitant to share this story because, frankly, I am ashamed. However, I felt the insight was worth sharing. Hopefully at least something good comes from my mistakes. Sometimes the OW isn't a mean conniving whore. Sometimes she just gets caught up in something because she is insecure and, well, stupid. They don't know what they are getting into. I have never been a cheating spouse, but I have a feeling, they didn't know what they were getting into either. It starts as just a little flirtation because you are sad and lonely and it feels good. Then it just snowballs and you are caught in an avalanche.

____

H sent a TM today asking for pics of the kids. I think this is the first time he has initiated contact. I figured pics of the kids were a doable thing. He did, after all, say please. Afterwards, he sent a Thank You TM too. It's not roses, but at least it's amicable contact.