Try to minimize trading her back and forth. Even for a four year old every other weekend and at least one overnight per week should be the minimum you should consider. You should alternate holidays, school breaks and break the summer up. You should also be permitted a week or 10 days continuous period once per year for out of town vacation.
You can specify a schedule now until daughter turns say five or six. One possibliity would be mid-week, say Tue and/or Wed night and every other weekend, to include Fri and Sat nights. Check this link for further ideas.
After 5 or 6, get more time. That is when to specify 50-50. I live in AL so 50-50 is rare (mother has the upper hand unless something is amiss). I get 40-60: My kids are slightly older (D6, S10). I get them every Thurs from after school until Fri morning and every other weekend from Thurs after school until Mon morning. I get Fall break week, the week before and including Christmas or the week after Christmas to include New Year (alternates even-odd years), alternate Thanksgiving, alternate all other holidays. I get them the month of June where she gets my normal schedule and I get 10 straight days vacation.
Believe me, 40% sucks. And so does 50%. What your stbxW is proposing really, really sucks. It is not good for your daughter and since I am assuming you want to be a fully involved parent, it really sucks for you too.
Other things to specify:
· Specific pick-up and drop-off times. · How to handle birthdays - the child's and yours. · Periods of notice required for choosing summer vacation time with the children. · Notification of where the child will be when out of town. · Agreements for parents to try to accommodate each other if the parents must travel out of town on business or are otherwise not able to be with the children for a designated period. · Agreements to share or provide copies of school and medical records (federal law requires that both parents have access to school records unless a court orders otherwise). · Agreements to notify the other parent of teacher conferences, athletic events, and other events involving the child. · Agreements for the parents to consult with each other and agree about what extra-curricular activities the child will be involved in. · Agreements to make the child available for special events regardless of the custody or visitation schedule--for example, to make the child available for family weddings, reunions,and funerals. · Agreements to allow the child telephone contact with the other parent (times and frequency could be specified). · Agreements to not interfere with (or to perhaps encourage) the child’s relationship with the other parent. · Agreements to notify the other parent of change in address, telephone number, or employment.
The list goes on; these are just the highlights. Do your homework or you will get screwed.
