Tee hee hee and hee. Not to belittle your comments. I understand what my post may look like at first blush. I am not keeping myself from some marital bliss by not initiating. I am demonstrating some sense of personal self esteem and giving my H opportunity to accept some accountability in the R. I am taking the "feminine" role and leaving room for him to take the masculine.
Believe me lack of BC isn't stopping me from sex. If H demonstrated the slightest interest I would be the first to say - hey, let's use a condom, today sponge, charting or whatever and resume our happy SL. We have four children (two are from this M) and if I got preggo again on accident we would have 5 - no prob. I have been the one to press for sex throughout the length of this R - I have flirted, asked, pushed counseling (we went a few years ago), iniated Marriage Encounter, cried, gotten philosophical, written emails, snail mails, cards, romanced him, worn lingerie, given books, read books, discussed magazine articles and in the meantime kept my girlish figure except while pregnant, kept up my hair and makeup, clothes and pleasant disposition.
Am I in MLC? Not really. I am in midlife personal definition. It is time for me to define the parameters I live in and decide how to proceed. What I am gearing up for is to just ask H point blank (1) You haven't initiated sex for a year, your behavior inicates that you want to raise our children and share a partnership in a sexless M. Is that right? or (2)You haven't initiated sex for a year, your behavior indicates that perhaps you don't want to be married anymore. Is that the case? or (3) You haven't initiated sex for a year, perhaps you have an issue pesonal or marital that needs resolution in order for us to have a sex life. Is this the case? None of the three is necessarily a deal breaker and I don't intend to have an affair or do any other strange MLC behvior. It is just time to come to grips with what I am dealing with and THEN I can figure out how to proceed so that I can be happy and moving forward in my life. IOW - this isn't the time to greet him at the door in a trenchcoat this is the time to put the cards on the table.
