Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

[SueS]

Well, not a good morning!!

H went out last night for dinner with some friends. I saw a receipt for dinner and he was where he said he'd be. No problem with that.

H tried to get frisky when he got home, but I didn't really react (like I was sleeping) and he must have been tired/drunk, because he just rolled on his back & was asleep w/in seconds. I had turned toward him in my sleep, putting my arm over his chest. I decided that I'd initiate. It was close to time for me to get up anyway. I initiated & we were intimate.

Here's where the bad morning comes in. H & I got up to take showers. H went in first. I went to shut D3's door and noticed that our computer was still on. H had forgotten to shut it off or log off his email. Yep, emails from OW. I opened one of them & it was from her at work. So, apparently, I'm wrong....she's not out of town this week. Not sure what it was all about, but he called her hun and she called him baby. I was irrate. I went back into our bedroom & started throwing some things around. H came out of the shower and noticed me and my actions. He went into the den & saw that I had the computer turned. He sat down at the computer. I walked back in the den & started what I'm sure will be considered a backslide.

Here are just some of the questions I can remember myself asking...

-How can you sit there and tell me that you're just talking when you're calling her hun (which is what you call me) and she's calling you baby?
-What is going on? H: What do you mean?
-Between the two of you? H: Nothing, we're just friends.
-Then why the emails, the phone calls so late & the pet names? H: It's just something no one will understand.
-WHAT??? H: What do you think people immediately think when a guy & a girl are friends and communicate often?....That they're having an affair.
-Yeah H, but communicating several times a week? You don't even talk to your BF's or your family that often. H: I don't talk to her every day.
-Then how often? H: Every couple of days.
-Well, how do you think I am supposed to feel when you're hiding your "friendship" from me and when your communication & affection toward me takes a nosedive at exactly the same time you start your "friendship" and phone calls to/from her?
-Does OW know that I know about you two? H: No.
-What do you talk about? H: Anything & everything.
-Do you talk about us? H: From time to time.
-What have you told her? H: That we've had our fair share of ups and downs.
-Does OW's H know that you two have this "friendship"? H: No.
-Is she happy? H: Not completely.
-Maybe OW should start talking to her H if she's not happy. H: What do you mean?
-Well, if OW is unhappy, don't you think her H deserves to know about it.....that OW should start talking to her H about why she's unhappy instead of talking to my H about her problems? Don't you think it's only fair to him?
-Now I understand why we haven't spent time with them in a couple of months. You wanted us to all be friends, but we haven't seen them in a long time.
-When was the last time you saw OW? H: A few weeks ago.
-Did you see her Friday when you went out? H: No.
-Did you see her last night? H: No.
-Were you supposed to see her this weekend when I'm gone? H: No.

I don't know how people will feel about this part, so I want your opinions. I then told H.....
I would like 2 things to happen.........
-I would like you to tell her that I know about all of this.
-Things were getting better with you and I and I only want them to continue to get better.....So the other thing I would like is for you and I to work on this marriage.....on our marriage.
-I don't know how far this has gone, and I hope it hasn't gone very far, but I told you last week that I WILL NOT give up this marriage or my H without a fight.
-Whether you want to hear it right now or not H, I still love you very much.

After that I went into take my shower. I came out and D3 was awake. I took her in to H and tried to be as "as if" as possible for her sake. I got ready for work, got our lunches ready, gave D3 a hug and kiss.....told H I was leaving, kissed his cheek & left.

It's weird. I want to cry, but at the same time I feel a little empowered. I had some tears in my eyes when I was talking to H this morning, but I was stronger than I expected I'd be. Probably because I was so mad.

The one thing I wanted to say to H that I wish I would have was for him to please just take some time to consider how his communication with her and his emotional attachment to her is taking away from us. Regardless of whatever kind of "friendship" he says they have, it's taking away from us.

Well, let me know what you think.

Thanks everyone. I know I haven't done my best in posting on everyone's threads like I should, but I truly, truly appreciate your helping me out.

And......I do still plan on going to my parent's place this weekend. I won't let this affect my plans. I deserve to get away and spend time with them. I miss our dog too. She's at my parent's house. She's the one that kept me sane & kept me going through the last A. I wish she was here now.

Thanks- SueS