nic....I just got back to your thread and saw the news that H is engaged. I know that this probably hurt you tremendously and I'm sorry that I have been distanced from your sitch secondary to my own quagmire.
I am not going to rationalize this....sugar coat things...or...try and destroy him on a pretext of trying to build you up. You've been doing this a lot longer than I have. My only comments are that, understanding what we learn here about people, marriage, relationships, etc...that H has never had time to be alone, learn about himself, etc. That he is choosing to remarry during the 1/1/2 - 2 year 'hot emotional time', is risky to say the least. Let him go.
I started reading Venus and Mars Starting Over and the author says that you SHOULD hold on to them tightly. That is, the memories, children, love that they gave you, etc. Our problem is that we become 'attached' or fixed to the notion that THEY are the only ones that will love us and that we are ONLY comfortable with them. He states that we should hold on tightly to the good stuff and be thankful, but, to let go of the ingrained notion that we can ONLY be loved by them. Easy? NOT. He also goes on to say that, probably, the best time to go back to a relationship is when you DON'T WANT ONE..meaning...that you are comfortable being alone with yourself.
nic....it's been such a long and hard road for you. I'll say what my DB coach said to me: he was so dizzy with all the books I was reading (last year)that even HE was confused. He told me to put the books down and just live. Try and let go and move forward. Stop the analysis. Stop comparing yourself to her...you don't know what fate lies in front of them. Recognize that someone ELSE can and WILL love you. Trust me, I will most likely have to follow my own words of advice.
Stay strong. I/we support you.
Quote:
Remember that less than 1 in a hundred couples who begin with infidelity last. Their relationship sprang up from deceit to exist. (Even though I got that figure from Dr. Phil, it's still worth noting!) Honesty and truth are big killers of those relationships. Stay true to your own values.
If it helps, an old G/F of mine who cheated and dumped me and broke my heart, is now divorced 3 times. She who lives by the sword.......
Chin up. Hugs. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
