my last thread is due to lock up, so figured I'd go ahead and start a new one.
okay, what is with the heat wave? summer's way of not letting go? hey, I'm all for it, except that my air conditioning is still busted upstairs. have a feeling the kids and I will be having a sleepover downstairs tonight. lol. or maybe I'll suck it up and call the air cond. guy...but by the time they'd get here, we'll probably be back in fall-mode. actually, the furnace guy is coming by to do the yearly check on my furnace, so maybe I can press him into a/c service, too. hmmmm.
good day planned today. all 3 kids have school this morning, and I took the week off of therapy, so (gasp) I have 2 whole hours to myself!!!! was up early and did my ab tape, but thinking I will head home and do tae bo, then finally pick up one of the many books I have sitting on my nightstand. actually, think I'll finish up the one my therapist lent me so I can finally get that back to her. I do have some housework to do, but thinking I'll hold off till the kids get home and they can "help" me. lol. they love to, and I hate to deprive them.
H called this morning and sounded tired but fine. He is coming after work today, and I think things will be okay. going to head to the gym for some cardio while he is here. I don't see him trying anything, but if he does, I know what I'll say/do. the trick is not letting him start at all...cutting him off at the pass, so to speak. again, my gut is telling me he won't even try anything, but since this is a tough week for him, I think having my own game plan is a good thing. on the other hand, if he falls apart and is sad/desolate again, I'm going to have a harder time with that. but I have my mantra...step back, let him feel things for himself, don't try to fix things...
I have to share something from the other night's ep on The War. a vet was talking about guadalcanal (I think) and he was talking about how the shelling/bombing was so intense there that at first you were sure every one had your name on it. then eventually you learned to detach...you had to to survive...and realize that you had to do your own thing, not worry about the bombs and such, because there was nothing you could do to change something that was out of control, the only thing you had control over was yourself. It really struck me, listening to him. He was dealing with a situation that was much more intense, had much higher stakes, than we all are dealing with. but wow, the language was all there, and the action/reaction was the same.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I was a bit lazier than expected. I did do tae bo, but then curled up on the couch and watched an ep of Cold Feet so I could get it out in the mail/back to netflix today. felt pretty decadent.
funny, how I enjoy my free time when the kids are in school, but when h takes them on weekends I get very sad about it. don't get me wrong, I am enjoying myself then, at least part of the time, but still, big difference.
definitely don't have to worry about H tonight. he e-mailed me today to let me know that he won't be able to get the kids on friday, will get them on saturday instead, if that's okay with me. Bite me. I know why...she comes back on friday, guessing he needs to get her from the airport and have a good romp with her since he'll be apart from her the rest of this week.
of course, I could be like mk, and pretend its really because he has to go to the dentist for a root canal. yeah, that's it.
okay, the neglected housework is calling. today I am going to get the kids in gear and clean up the playrooms. then a bit other basic stuff, so things look good for when h gets here. I know at this point I shouldn't bother, but still, there is a part of me that wants him to walk in the house when it looks good/homey just to send that message of what he is missing. at least I have more of chance than if he walks into total chaos and mess.
okay, and its good for me. yep, its about me, not him. me, not him. me me me me me. good to live in an organized, neat, tidy home. yep. who cares what he thinks.
for those who don't frequent the just for fun board, re-iterating that there is a boston DB meet in just a couple of weeks. if interested, head over and check out the details. think I'll throw a separate post on this forum as well as the infidelity one to see if anyone is interested. already have a good group going.
see, I'm GAL. yep, I am. oh, and today I asked if he could keep the kids a little later on the 14th (the day after the meet). that way I'll get to sleep off a little of the night's festivities. I'm very proud of myself, I didn't tell him why I needed him to keep them a little later. and I guess I'm happy with his progress, because he didn't ask, just said it was cool.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I get how you feel about your sadness of H having the kids over the weekend. My H at the start of his R w/ OW use to do the step family thing all the time and take the kids w/ OW evrywhere we had stop going to, zoo,beach,etc. It hurt everytime they got back and were so happy to tell me what they did. Now that he thinks there might be OM in my life he says how it husrts him to think another man might father his girls. SO H has stopped doing al the outings for awhile inlcuding OW. Told me that was only "in the beginning"?
Tonight is H' regular visit and I am making sure the house is clean too. H has commented on how it is always clean when he comes over.
I have only asked H stay a bit later w/ the girls one tiem last week (dinner out w/ the boss) and he gave me a hard tiem b/c he thinks Im dating imaginary BF.
Good thinking about your game plan. You have to be ready for anything as he may or may not be emotional.
A little decandance can go a loooong way. I am the same way with Netflix. I want my money's worth and will keep the movie until I have seen it all the way through at least once, maybe twice.
If he is in a real R with someone else he is going to make accomodations to keep her close. My dad did this and it was hurtful to me as the young person. It felt like he put his girlfriends/ wives above us, his own kids. Sometimes I even felt that he put his girlfriend's kids above us because he did not have to impress us or win our love, but he had to try harder with them.
I actually saw a book on dating a man going through divorce next to DB at the book store. The book talked about how hard it was to have a R with a separated man because it would always feel like a secret affair and the previously married man had to act a certain way until he was free. It talked about when the man has kids and has to shuffle around his schedule for them.
okay, more stuff to blame me for...the furnace guy is here just doing the yearly check-thru and he's found some problems. ugh. he keeps coming back upstairs and telling me yet another thing that is wrong. ugh ugh ugh. just called H to tell him to say his prayers that the bill isn't too bad and he's flipping out. guessing in his mind, I'm the one who caused this problem, just like everything else in his mind. sigh. I also broke it to him that our upstairs a/c is busted.
okay everyone, think good thoughts that the bill isn't too bad here. blech.
good thing I had them in, though. apparently we had no heat at all on our first floor...that would have been tough in a few weeks.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
mk, guessing the above issues will nip h's libido in the bud. nope, I expect no problems at all. lol.
I think that book is just gross. I think you mentioned it before.
I am sorry your dad hurt you. I wonder how H is with ow's boy...actually I wonder if they are spending time together. he said they weren't last spring. guessing that likely has changed. I wonder if he compares our sons, since they are so close in age. H is frustrated with our eldest a bit because he's more talented academically than he is athletically, and I think ow's son is more athletically inclined.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
woo-hooo! the furnace guy just left...ouch on the bill, ouch ouch ouch. but the good thing is that he checked out the a/c and fixed it for me.
here is the funny part. he went outside to check out the unit and came back in 5 minutes later, asking me if someone liked to play with electricity around here. now, my father occasionally will fuss with this or that, but nothing a/c related. and H is petrified of electrical work...won't even change a lighting fixture. so I just looked a little vacantly at him and said maybe my H (why not hang him out to dry?). then I thought about it and realized that a few weeks ago, we had that problem with our electricity, and when H came over, he took a walk around the house.
turns out, this a/c unit had some part of it pulled out and put back wrong, just kind of jammed in. the guy fixed it and didn't charge me for even the diagnostic charge they normally do. so that is the silver lining.
I called H to tell him the news and in no way did I accuse him about messing with the unit outside. that's when he got quiet and said, "oh I think I did that." lol. yes, dimwit, you did.
hey, he just took responsibility for an action of his! how 'bout that? progress, I tell you, progress.
anyway, I have cool air for the next couple of days, and then, after writing a rather hefty check next week, will have heat for the winter.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know that CW's H has no problem having my H around their kids. I don't get that, AT ALL. I will do as much as I can to keep that skank away from my children. Not only for her behavior with me (told me multiple times that she wanted to help save my marriage!), but also watching how screwed up her own kids are. No, thanks.
Morgan-- Great news on getting your home temps all set for whatever gets thrown at you :0) Sorry about the bill. And a step towards an...I'm sorry?!?
My H works with HVAC, and we didn't have AC for about 3 weeks this summer. He doesn't have it at all in the apt, so I guess he thought we could get through it.
