DIY, it is just that when people offer that kind of "suggestions", I feel that they do not take what I have seriously. Those things are for somebody with mild or occassional fatigue or insomnia and it is the "manner" that it is said to me that hurts. I know by the way it is said that they are "mocking" me. That is why I told you all what I was taking (prescriptions).....wouldn't people think I had tried all those other things years ago when I first got this? It is almost an insult. It is kind of like telling a person that has cancer to take an asprin. Now, I don't want to be the one misunderstood in what I'm saying......ok? Perhaps it is more of a frustration than anything else. I get the impression that some may think that I am just whinning and using excuses, so to answer you question I can only say that I want to be believed about the severity of my physical situation. That is what I need first and foremost is to be believed that the "degree" is more than just the usual "I'm tired" or "I don't feel good". It is important to me that my friends here on the board accept that and believe me.....and don't think I'm using it as an "excuse". That hurts too badly for it to be treated......lightly. If anyone is really interested, all they have to do is type in the word Fibromyalgia in search and it will take you to the sites that explain what people go through (well, part of what they go through).
Maybe I'm too sensitive b/c I went through similar things when my D got diabetes and people didn't understand why she was in the ER every week or in the hospital for days on end. People thought she had been "bad" if she was in the hospital and the medical people treated her like crap! Her diabetes was so brittle that she could not keep it under control no matter what she did or didn't do. Just having her monthly period could send her to the ER it would screw up her system so badly. Anyway, that's getting way off the subject here.....sorry.
I'm "touchy" b/c I feel that my chronic fatigue and fibro does make a huge difference in my stitch. I confessed that while I was contacting the OM that I felt better.....but that is not to say the problem went away. I had bad days during that time. But, those chemical.....fake or otherwise....gave me motivation.....fake or otherwise. So, I know by that that emotions does effect my physical feelings. It does anybody's. I agree and I think that the unhappiness has caused my physical problems to be worse.
How can you help? Believe in me. Talk to me like I have something serious that I deal with day in & day out and not like I should just think positive and drink a coke. Maybe nobody knows what to say. Maybe I'm needing more than what anyone can give.....I don't know.
Dom said that my physical problem wasn't the "real" problem and I knew it. But, I don't know what to do about it. Whem the physical effects the mental and visa versa.
I got up to take some pain meds and I need to go back to bed.
Listen guys, you know I love all of you. When I have bad days for several in a row.....without any let-up, well, it takes a toll on me. Please just be here for me and believe in me.....about this stuff. Then......any encouragement you can give me toward "working" on my M is appreciated. I hope some of this makes sense.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
, it is just that when people offer that kind of "suggestions", I feel that they do not take what I have seriously Maybe so Sandi. I have found most people to be very serious.
I think people do take you seriously but don’t know how Fibromyalgia (FM) effects you. FM is different with different people
Those things are for somebody with mild or occasional fatigue or insomnia OK, I agree with you on that point.
and it is the "manner" that it is said to me that hurts. Two things here. The manner the poster intends and what you hear can be different.
I know by the way it is said that they are "mocking" me. I certainly don’t intend to mock anyone. Mrs. Cac is sympathetic, Dom had some in-your-face advice.
Here is my general observations about most posters. I have been posting for several years and very rarely take someone else’s post as mocking. Yes, some replies you receive are rather direct but most people want to help, not mock you.
. Now, I don't want to be the one misunderstood in what I'm saying......ok? Perhaps it is more of a frustration than anything else. OK, that makes sense. I can read and feel the frustration.
I get the impression that some may think that I am just whinning and using excuses, so to answer you question I can only say that I want to be believed about the severity of my physical situation. That is what I need first and foremost is to be believed that the "degree" is more than just the usual "I'm tired" or "I don't feel good". It is important to me that my friends here on the board accept that and believe me.....and don't think I'm using it as an "excuse". OK your FM is severe. I don’t doubt that. I don’t know how I or most people can help with the FM. We can consider it when posting to you.
One thing you did say, you had an EA and a poor R with your H. That part some people here can help you cope with, maybe give you some of our experiences of what worked or didn’t work, how we see and apply items from books to improve relationships.
SSM is a relationship support forum. FM is an issue in your M, but we are not medical people so can’t help with that part of your life that much.
Her diabetes was so brittle that she could not keep it under control no matter what she did or didn't do. I have heard of cases like that. I am not any help in that area.
I'm "touchy" b/c I feel that my chronic fatigue and fibro does make a huge difference in my stitch. I confessed that while I was contacting the OM that I felt better.....but that is not to say the problem went away. I had bad days during that time. But, those chemical.....fake or otherwise....gave me motivation.....fake or otherwise. So, I know by that that emotions does effect my physical feelings. It does anybody's. I agree and I think that the unhappiness has caused my physical problems to be worse. All that is about what I think too.
How can you help? Believe in me. Talk to me like I have something serious that I deal with day in & day out and not like I should just think positive and drink a coke. Maybe nobody knows what to say. Maybe I'm needing more than what anyone can give.....I don't know. Like I said before, when it comes to FM, I don’t have any helpful advice. I say that is a medical issue and I am not qualified in that area.
Dom said that my physical problem wasn't the "real" problem and I knew it. But, I don't know what to do about it. The real problem???? Since when is Dom the expert on what the “real problem is?
The physical is part of the problem. The R is part of the problem? Your H is part of the problem. Maybe there is a hidden problem. It is OK to define the problem but some day you should look for solutions and apply some to your MR and see what works.
Wham the physical effects the mental and visa versa. That is right.
Listen guys, you know I love all of you. Thanks for the thoughts in that direction Sandi. I still want to see that love go towards your H but it is not my call. I think most of the people on the forum would like to see you have a better M/R and that is not a request, just a sentiment.
Maybe when you are feeling a little better, talk about something that you read or interests you that might pertain to improving your M or make you happier.
Please just be here for me and believe in me.....about this stuff. Then......any encouragement you can give me toward "working" on my M is appreciated. I hope some of this makes sense How about You bring up the topic and tell us where you want to go with that topic and how the topic relates to your M.
You're right. I'm sorry. I was very depressed and emotional last night and shouldn't have been posting while in that frame of mind. Just goes to show me that I do need to talk to my doctor about the depression and medication for it. This is a forum for marriage.....not health problems. I will try to stay focused on that and try to keep the two separated. I didn't realize how much I had been talking about health instead of the MR. I'll try my best not to talk about the FM any more. And, I'll try my best to be more positive and see the positive things in my H. I hope you all won't give up on me.
Quote:
and it is the "manner" that it is said to me that hurts. Two things here. The manner the poster intends and what you hear can be different.
I know by the way it is said that they are "mocking" me. I certainly don’t intend to mock anyone. Mrs. Cac is sympathetic, Dom had some in-your-face advice.
BTW, I was really refering to the people at work more than the ones on the board, which I didn't make very plain. You all can't help what happens to me at work and I shouldn't carry it over to the ones here. It just triggered that emotion in me when a couple of things were said. Again, I'm sorry.....
Last edited by sandi2; 09/25/0710:28 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Forgive me for being ignorant about this (and not having the time to reread your threads to find out), but are you seeing a C about depression? You have it big time. I went through a pretty bad period myself (and still sometimes go back into the pit). The level of depression you have is not something that is easy to pull yourself out of.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
No, I'm not seeing a C. I think it is clinical depression, but I know the things I've been through with my children and the problems in my M certainly adds to it. I have an app't with the doctor on Oct 4th, so I'll see what he thinks. He is my Fibro doc and he will know what meds will effect that.....and the FM (Fibro) is what I have to consider first. I say that b/c like for years I was taking the wrong type of pain meds and it was actually triggering the FM pain. So, I don't want to take something that goes against it. I have tried for close to a year to handle the depression without any medication, but it looks like I'm not doing a very good job. I think I mentioned in one of my post that at one time I was on about 3 different types of AD at once and it really had me messed up. I don't want to get like that again. My family thinks that is what led me to do some of the things I did (like the on-line...OM stuff), but I won't blame it on that. I am responsible for my actions. My mother mentioned that a few days ago when I brought up the subject of getting back on AD and how I was not myself when I was on all that stuff. But, if I can find the right medication, and it would give me some relief and some "hope" and motivation for life......anything right now sure would help.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There is a LOT more to treating depression than medication. Just having someone that you can talk to and make plans with on how to improve yourself can work wonders.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I don't know how to respond to that Dom. You really don't believe me, do you? That hurts.
I'm sorry that you got that impression, Sandi.
I DO believe you. I am in no way saying that you dont feel bad. I'm truely sorry that you are going through a difficult time.
What I meant to convey in my post, is that life doesnt stop when you feel bad, or tired, etc. Nor does your marriage. Every day, is a chance to either draw closer, or further away, in your marriage.
Sometimes, people use "I dont have the energy" as an excuse not to do things. I'm not saying that they really dont feel tired... what I'm saying is that if it was something that they thought "had to be done", or if it was something that was really truely enjoyable to them... they usually find a way to get it done.
You may be at the point where you really cant do ANYTHING right now; if so, I apologise for misunderstanding. I thought that you were feeling better these days, and that the worst had passed.
Even with all that, though... maybe try reading what I wrote again, and try to frame it in a "helpful" light?
The idea I was trying to convey is that, even if you have zero energy to "actively" do anything... you can still choose to allow things that promote closeness between your husband and yourself.
I'm trying to encourage you to keep doing that.
How much you ask for, or suggest to him, depends on how much pain you are in. A thought for you, though: Your husband loves you. he doesnt want you to be in pain. he wants to do something to help you and make you feel better.
I bet that even if you dont even have the energy to lift your arms and legs... he would be happy to just sit/lay next to you, and just "be with you" for a while when you want.
It would make him feel better about things; both that he can be with you and maybe 'do' something by being there... and also for himself, to be next to you. Plus, that you asked him to be with you, will make him feel wanted and valued by you.
if you do even that much... who knows, it might be nice for you too?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Thanks Dom, I appreciate that. The thing about FM that is so strange and that people don't understand (which is reasonable), is that I can be better for maybe two days and then the bottom falls out. I never know from one day to the next. This is one of those conditions that don't get better with time or anything like that. I can't really make plans....oh, I do, but I never know if I can't carry those plans through or not b/c of my health problems. I know people don't understand and I shouldn't get upset when they don't, but I was just having a really bad night. Last Sunday, if there had been a wedding in the family....I would not have been able to attend....that is how bad it was. Last year, I think I missed every birthday and holiday that came along. The only thing I got to attend was my granddaughter's dance recital. But, I missed her kindergarten graduation. That may sound important to some folks, but to a five year-old....it's important that grandma is there.
As Chrome said, I just need to talk it out sometimes. If I could get past feeling "guilty" and that I am letting people down all the time, I think it would help me a lot. But, that is hard to do. I have seriously considered resigning my positions/jobs at the church, but I know that would disappoint a lot of folks too, so I don't know what to do. Not that I am irreplacable, by any means, but some of the things I do....would just go undone b/c nobody else would do it. (long story) Somebody could do it, but more than likey....they wouldn't b/c I tried it once before and it just went undone. I have three (what I consider)"important" jobs and I'm on a couple of committees. That is pretty much my life and that is why I have clung to it b/c if I don't have that.....well, then I don't have much of a life at all. Lordy, I'm stopping before I get to sounding pathetic again.
Anyway, I understand what you are saying about the energy and the working on the MR, etc. I really do. I was just being too sensitive last night.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I doubt he wants to tonight. I am sick with a cold. If it's not one thing...it's another. Besides, in case I need to remind you....I have been the one going and sitting next to him!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
