There's a lot on your post that I've been thinking about lately myself.
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being friendly and not showing any pursuit, while simultaneously avoiding anything that might make her angry with me. Like all of us, I just wish I knew EXACTLY what I can do that will draw her toward me and my picnic. However, since I don't, I will just have to try and walk that tight rope and hope that I'm not making any mistakes. I never want her to interpret my kindness or politeness as pursuing, but yet I don't want to come across as negative in any way. It's hard for me to figure out where the middle ground for this is so I can avoid either pitfall.
I agree with Nomo, that if you don't pursue, it works itself out & you don't have to know what she's thinking or if she's attracted to your picnic.
Just them sensing that you're trying to figure them out...trying to say just the right things, will prolly come across as pressure.
I'll email you something that really helped me on this & might give you a good perspective also.
I'll be back tomorrow with some other thoughts I have on the rest of your post when I'm more clear.
As far as the BF, all you needed to do was sit back, relax, & wait for that R to unravel all on it's own. If you had interfered in any way it might have taken much longer.