A lot of my XH's issues have come from the way he was raised. His father cheated on his mother and left when he was just two. Then his mother got into an abusive marriage. I don't think my XH ever learned to accept love, or how to show it. Our kids loved him dearly, they still do, but he can't accept their love because he has placed too many conditions on it.
He sent a text tonight telling me he wondered if the kids ever wanted him because he took them to Disneyworld three years ago, and they never thanked him. I told him that loving the kids, and letting them love him should have been thanks enough, but he wasn't capable of that. I realize now that trip was at the beginning of his MLC. He was definitely in anger mode.
He is constantly telling the kids they must respect him, but he shows them no respect. My XH withholds his love in exchange for respect, right now the kids don't respect him, but they do love him.
His love has always had conditions attached. I respected my XH, but respect to my XH means total submission to him. Maybe that is why he felt OW showed him more love than he had ever felt before, he said she had him on a pedestal, but I believe now it was total submission due to her low self esteem. I on the other hand speak my mind, and probably spoke my mind when I should have held my tongue.
