Thoughts of OW Drive me Crazy!!

[theotherhalf]

Friday I did a really bad thing. Maybe. I knew it at the time but couldn't stop myself. I left work early because H had asked me if I had to work today and it made me little suspisious. Thought I'd come home early see what was going on. I drove down main street before I left town. OH! The HO or OW car was sitting right there. I parked right away. I wanted to see her (havent seen her in over 15 years). I wanted to maybe confront her. (knew it was bad but needed to). I waited and waited. Finally I drove through once more before going home. I pulled right up to her car as she was backing up. I followed her right on her bumper a few blocks. Then realizing that I could get into trouble I yelled at her out my window "f***ing skank" and went on home.

Was it right? No. Did I feel better? Maybe a little. Will it change anything? No, not for the good anyway.

I am having such a hard time letting go of thoughts of this OW. you all say to look inside yourself and find out who you are. To maybe look back and see who you were before H and M. Well back in the day I would have kicked this B****'s A** in a heart beat. No ifs ands or butts. So to now do nothing, did nothing to her the first time, it kills me. I want her to pay for all the hurt she has brought to my world now and in the past.

Sometimes I even wonder if in a sick way H may want me to fight for him, like I would have done in the beginning of our R. I just can't get these thoughts out of my head.

And the fact that I have gotten no reaction whats so ever from H to what I did Friday really makes me wonder. Maybe he isn't seeing her anymore but I am pretty sure that she told him. My mind is totally boggeled by this.

Any thoughts?...