Yeah, I used to sit back and say nothing, just get mad on the inside. I have learned how to calmly ask for what I want and state my opinion. I feel so much stronger now...it's a much happier, calmer, less angry SD post-bomb. I am *so* not the pleaser type either...so it's been good to develop a little of that.
You know, Scott, I don't know if there's anything H can do to "make up" for what he did. I really don't want to punish him or for him to punish himself. However, I do think it's reasonable to expect there to be no socializing. I do think I was trying to be "big" about it and "understanding", like I could handle it because I was so enlightened and all that cr@p, so I haven't stated strongly that I think that's unacceptable. I *did* say I would in no uncertain terms have any contact with her... I've got to say, I am just tired of her dumb @ss.
Julie...one of the benefits of the bomb for me was finally believing I DID matter. I spent so many years hating myself...criticizing myself, judging, focusing on all the things I hated about me. I really like who I am, and I like my personal power. Thanks for reminding me to keep my own best interests first...I truly believe that if I take care of ME, then all will be well.
I've been surprisingly non-emotional through this. It's funny, taking a page from Scott's post on his thread, a year ago I would be on the floor having full-blown panic attacks. This time I've had minor anxiety and managed to work it all out through meditation and exercise. I had a really fantastic day with my students...there is such joy with them.
So, I'm doing well. H is out until later, working late, so I'm going to fix some New Orleans style chipotle shrimp and pour a fine glass of red. Plan what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow in class. Celebrate my life.
Thanks for being so wonderful!!!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
