I just feel that it is not fair in terms of he knows how it feels, why would he want to do this to me.
I'm sorry, but I see this to be relatively hypocritical. Was it fair that you left him to begin with? Was it fair that you started an EA? You are talking like he's hurting you emotionally on purpose. You both have an equal share of the blame in where you're currently at. Life is hard and we are dealt difficult hands to play from time to time in our lives -- how will you play your hand? You simply cannot be judging him and pointing fingers just because you're hurting. I know you're hurting, but he hurt (and likely is still hurting) too.
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I am going to end my friendship becuase I know it is detrimental but is it fair that he will continue his?
It's not about whether it is "fair" or not. You have no control over his choices -- only your own. If you want him back as bad as you say you do, it should be a no-brainer that you need to end your EA if you want any chance at all. If you truly want him back, you should really care less about the fairness of it all. You should only care about what you need to do to make it right and have the best possible chance for reconciliation on your end. It isn't a competition. Your actions will help to influence his choices, and if he sees you end this EA for good, you can't say that he will continue his EA/PA too. You just don't know that, and making assumptions about what he will do will get you nowhere fast. You have to be confident and do what is right from your end, and simply hope that, in due time, your H will follow suit. You must get out of the funk of self pity and get strong for you and your M. Make the choice today!
Okay, so I gave you a few 2x4's just now, but I'm only doing it because I don't think you're taking enough responsibility for where you're at and what YOU have to do. I want you to succeed, but it has to start with you being strong and fixing things on YOUR end. I tend to like the coaching analogy for what I'm doing: when your coach is riding your $ss and getting on you for making mistakes, that's a good thing. It's when you continue making mistakes and he ignores you that you know you're in trouble, because that tells you he's given up on you.
