new here and really worried

[littlebitlost]

Thank you Ewe, Goodguy, the goodfight and forrest gump.

I am really very sad and unfortunately there is nothing I can do to make it up to him short of waiting for him to see the changes. I have always been about instant gratification and unfortuneately I know he is going to mkae me wait. I know he says it was 18 months plus the 5 I have been gone he sufferred. I have the feeling that I am going to be made to suffer for close to that. I just feel that it is not fair in terms of he knows how it feels, why would he want to do this to me. If he does not want me back then say it and I will mourn and get over it.

He just keeps saying he does not know. he wanted me to go to C so badly but wont even entertain the idea now. How is he even going to see the changes I am making when we hardly talk and dont hang out or really 'see' each other.

I am going to end my friendship becuase I know it is detrimental but is it fair that he will continue his? and i know he will.

I am so sad and frustrated. I am past the whole breaking down and crying though. I am positive and I ma making these changes for me (as well as for my family, I hope)

I hate the uncertainty and the not knowing. It hurts.

He made the changes. Was happy and positive and I saw it and that is also part of what brought me back, aside from the epiphany I had once out on my own. I wonder if he will even be willing to allow himself to see my changes.

I cant imagine how good we could be once we really understand ourselves and have such a high level of respect fo rthe other. It coudl be so good. Open communication, respect, understanding.....all the good stuff we lost over time.