Now what? Wait it out?

[Tara_9]

OK--really bad day. Before I was even back from the country she was texting me to find out if I was back because she needed stuff from the apartment. When I got back I dropped the stuff she wanted at the place she was staying thinking she wasn't there, but she was. I tried to make it brief, but she demanded to know if there was anything I wanted to talk about and get out in the open instead of texting and writing letters back and forth. I said for now I'd rather respond to her letter with a letter because it can be read calmly and without getting defensive. She kept at me though and then said that I was the reason for much of what she was unhappy for in our relationship. And while I didn't lose it, I just had to try and give her a bit of a reality check. I probably shouldn't have, but I let myself be goaded into it. I tried to speak calmly when I said that I refuse to let her blame me for her unhappiness. I said that she was unhappy with her, and that it was crystal clear if she had worked on her, all this current situation would have been unnecessary. I laid a lot out there, probably more than I should have. I told her that her current fantasy life is not reality, especially since the OP has been speaking about her in a very unflattering light to others, but clearly saying another thing to her face. I refused to get into details because I didn't want her to hear from me what the OP said (that my partner is way more into this than the OP, that the OP doesn't want to hurt my partner's feelings, that the OP isn't giving reciprocating anywhere close to the feelings my partner is, that my partner is an angry person who thinks the world is out to get her...). She kept saying that SHE knew the truth about the OP, essentially that I was making this stuff up, but I said to let her know I was telling the truth direct from the OP, that I knew she had been calling the OP inappropriately at work, and had therefore contacted the OP many more times than the twice she had copped to. She seemed to take it more seriously and kept asking me what the OP had said. I said that if she was so convinced the OP was truthful, then all she had to do was ask the OP, but to keep in mind that I now know the OP has lied 3 times that I'm personally aware of, and will surely just say that the above things were never said. I told her that she needed to learn how to be happy from the inside and she said she felt more grounded than she'd ever been and was happy now. I said I'd find it a lot easier to buy that if she hadn't gone straight from our home to the OP's to find herself instantly grounded and went from unhappy to happy in mere seconds. I said that she's still looking for others to make her happy, which is why she needs another person, the other person's friends, and the other person's hobbies to call her own. Because she doesn't have all that for herself, and that it made me so sad that she still doesn't get that she doesn't need anyone or anything, myself included, to "make" her happy. She needs to do that for herself. At one point she actually seemed to be listening and really hearing what I had to say and on some level knew that I was being genuine. I said again I could never say never and have no idea what the future holds, but that there would be no hope for friendship or anything until she started being truthful. She then said that she hoped I wasn't entertaining the notion that she'd be back. I said I wasn't entertaining anything, but that I had no idea what the future would bring. The OP is apparently now telling people that they are seeing each other, and is certainly telling my partner that it's "for real" after all these 3 weeks. But to others she's saying what I outlined above. I told her what begins in deceit ends in deceit. I think I cast a seed of doubt in her mind about the OP, but I'm sure she'll forget all about it when they're at the OP's tonight. She did say she was going to get to the bottom of it though, but she's buying what the OP is selling at this point, so I'm sure she'll believe the OP's backpedaling.

She then cried when she said she could count all the friends she has left on one hand, and I said it had nothing to do with what I've said, but that people didn't like how she was disrespecting me and that they didn't appreciate being lied to. I said the fuuny thing was, no matter how often those people dropped her in the past, I was always there for her. And that I still would be. She said "that's because that's the kind of person you are". And I said, "maybe one day you'll appreciate that". I said a lot more, but that's the idea. We ended on an OK note. I said I hadn't wanted to do this like this and that I wanted us to have positive visits, and could we end on a positive not with a hug? SHe gave me a very tight hug and said "I hope you're OK". I didn't really answer, other than to say I'd talk to her later.

So how bad did I blow it? I feel better I got some things out there, but I don't know how this will play out now....

What an idiot (me).