Oh my gosh! Pages of 'happy birthdays'!!! That is beyond thoughtful.
Thanks: trying, nocode (twice), Sara, andy, Mark, saffie, and tired. Hope I didn't miss anyone.
Yoyo, and yes. Had a big old Diet Pepsi with all my garbage snacks at the movie.
Morgan, we saw Good Luck Chuck. I still want to see Bourne, but need to watch the second one first.
neph, H even called twice today to wish me a happy birthday and see if I liked my gifts.
Sue, H only stayed at his dad's Friday night. We talked a bit about it last night and he is going to do this every now and then. I am fine with it for now. I did fine, more than fine, Friday night. I was empowered, actually.
Faith, thanks for stopping by. I am fine with H coming and going for the moment. Its what he needs. I set a firm boundary last night that there will be no other people during this separation, that it would be a major dealbreaker for me. He said he wasn't even thinking in those terms. Before the A, I could believe him, now I just hope I can believe him.
Journaling:
Got the girls settled and asleep last night and came downstairs, hit the patio with some beer and a book. H came outside and said he was going to go to his dad's and I said "Ok" in a light tone. About an hour later, (he handn't left yet) he joined me on the patio and we talked for four hours. He said he wanted to spend time with me.
Some talk was light (new job, kids, etc), and some was tricky. We got through it. He told me he is still calling OW from time to time, even though she hasn't taken his calls in a week or more.
M: Do you care about OW?
H: Yeah, I guess.
M: Then I can assume you want her to be happy?
H: Yes.
M: Then, she is choosing to work on her marriage, to make herself happy in that way. By calling her, you are confusing her, and probably making tension for her while she is trying to do this.
H: You are right. But I am not calling her to start anything.
M: If she called you right now, would you go see her?
H: Yes, but not in the way you think. I just want to talk to her one last time, and see how she is. I will never be with her physically again.
I ended it there and changed the subject. I restated my position that I am ok with him staying at his dad's if he needs to. He cried a bit about how lost he feels, how he is a "F" up, and how much he messed up this summer. No real apology, but that's ok. He hates that he is leaving me hanging, knowing it hurts me, and that he sees I am trying my best, and really staying strong. We talked more about other things too. All in all, good talk, hard talk, but in no way have we decided anything. He said he knows its not what I want to hear, but he might stay a few nights here and there at his dad's for a bit longer. I was in support of it, but made it crystal clear that I would not tolerate him seeing anyone at all. He was surprised I brought that up, because he says he is so messed up, that's not even what this is about.
I feel worse today (cold-wise) than yesterday, but still enjoyed my birthday. Went to lunch with H's mom and some family. I have come a LONG way in that regard. Since the bomb, I couldn't even face them, because we haven't told anyone, but today was really nice.
I opened my three presents this morning. H laid them out for the girls to help me open them, saying "This one is from D3, this one is from D5, and this one is from...both of them." Two pairs of earrings (the girls picked out) and then one matching silver necklace, that H stated was from the girls, but they busted him saying "Daddy picked it out, and said you need a necklace to match your new earrings, he picked that". LOL
