O.K...so I'll get my wife a nice gift. this is what I want to do.
here's some latest updated info. We had a very nice dinner together last Thur. We talked about things we have never talked about before. We came home to our house, she slept in different room. In middle of night, she snuck into bed with me. Held my hand, cuddled, said she couldnt sleep. She even told me I'm stressing her out because I'm finally giving her everything she's asked for, but it's too late. She has also said 'why would you even love me?' Friday she had friends over and wanted me away. It was rough. I came home around 11:30 and she was in my bed in my slot waiting for me. yes...it was good, I was shocked at all this. In the morning she said it was to satisfy her needs and thats all it was. I dont believe it because shs never really had huge apetite for sex. Sat she really withdrew and was cold. She went to a work party by herself on Sat night, got so stressed, rented a hotel room watched tv and slept there until 1:30 am and came home bcause she felt bad about being there. Sunday she was really cold. in the morning I asked her how her night was and if 'it was worth it'...she said 'no'. I had assumed she was out drinking and dancing. I think I really baffled her on this question because she emailed me everything she did Sat night. She must have thought thats what I thought. But why clear it up if youre dumping me anyway? I guess the guilt had built. Though she did get mad at me for saying all the stress is chosen and if she took a different point of view of our relationship, it wouldnt be so stressful. She got upset over this and explained to me that I'm not listening to her and that she is 'DONE'....so...she's been pretty 'down' since Sat. We even told our kids about it last night. Of course, that didnt go over too well. I was hoping to delay this forever.
so...I need to do more of whats working and less of what doesnt I guess. what doesnt work is email's. what does seem to work is a nice dinner. not sure how to do more of that. we have another counseling session on Tue. I really dont want to go. It's too rough. Not sure what we can accomplish if she doesnt want to work on anything at all. But, maybe its better to be there than not.
I'll try to lay low, be patient, be very nice. I know the guilt is killing her, but she's so headstrong on her beliefs. I know what they say, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. If you believe her actions, I guess theirs hope. I'm considering writing a long letter. dont know if this is a good idea or not.
