I asked what he had meant the night he said that if the numbers came back right for the refinance that we "would all benefit" and I felt like a fool when he answered me. I felt like a fool for thinking he wanted us to come home. That it was for the addition.

He intended to pay off my car.
Instead of throwing up, which is what I felt like doing, I thanked him for thinking of doing that, had he cashed out. He said "wouldn't it feel good to no longer have to make that payment?" Yes. But I was sick inside and I KNEW it was ALL pride.
He knew something was wrong and he asked what several times. I truly couldn't form the words to say it because it took me a few minutes to be able to speak without crying. Finally I said it "S14 and I both thought you meant you'd build the addition so we can come home". There. It was out there. He didn't say anything, the kids ran through...I got up and started to throw things away again. He had me come back onto the porch and sit with him some more. I had really had enough. But I also have waited a long time to talk, so I sat back down. He got very close to me. He kissed me several times. One time he was leaning over hugging me and I grabbed him by the back of his head and just planted one on him like I know I haven't done in years. We had a pretty good make-out session and had the kids not been nearby, we'd have hit it out of the park if you know what I'm saying ;\) .

Once we started talking again he said that he didn't know what he wants. He said if he would go through again what he went through before, he likes his life now just fine. He said he doesn't want to date, hasn't touched a woman since we separated, doesn't care to. He went back into the connection we'd always had before the MLC, he said he misses me still.

I know there are more things. I guess I will pop back in and write them as I remember them. Sunday morning when I called over there, I was fully prepared for him to be shut back down. He was very warm on the phone though, as well as when I went over there later.

So we will just sit with this a while, I guess, 'cause I sure as hell don't know what to do from here.