Brand New Day

[Nomopo]

Hey beautiful! You know what I think about your whole sitch, but let me add a few "reminders":

When he didn't call & just showed up, my mood took a little dive. We had a nice time, just not as nice as the B-Day dinner.

Understandable, but we all have to manage those expectations, right Sunny? He's not going to start doing everything right overnight.

When we arrived home, he came up to say goodnight, as I told him I was tired & going to bed. Ended up having s*x for the first time in 5 months. I didn't care at the time if I ever saw him again, I was going to take advantage of the opportunity. It was really nice.

I say EXCELLENT for you. I know you wanted that for Sunny, not to influence the sitch. Good for you. That's the key - choosing your actions based on what is best for Sunny.

And your H is a very lucky man - too bad he doesn't fully appreciate that (yet).

The next day he started the distancing. Completely predictable & I wasn't surprised.

I did ask him if he enjoyed the evening & got this reply;
"I was curious if I would feel drawn & I didn't. I'm no closer to packing my bags & coming back than I ever was."

O.K.

Chalk it up to alien spew and him feeling chased/pressured. He couldn't just come back full bore. Too confused and too much pride. This will be a marathon. Patience!!!!!

Called him an hour later to say that if that was the case, let's just move on.

He said I pushed him into that response & really, he needs more time.

His response makes perfect sense to me for a WAS.

This week he has asked me to go out to dinner with him & S4 everytime he's been here. I've declined each time, although all the interactions have been nice & friendly.

Good for you. Well played. Do what you want for you.

Today I saw what the OW looked like.....

Why I didn't think she would be so pretty, I don't know. It did fill in a lot of blanks for me as to what the draw was for him & apparently still is.

She is pretty. But no prettier than you, and her looks may have been an initial draw for him but this deal WILL NOT be decided by her looks. Plus, that photo was clearly professional, and I would be surprised if she looks like that in real life, day to day. You don't need to waste any more time and mental energy on her or what she looks like. Just focus on beautiful Sunny!!!

For some reason, after the initial surprise, I feel better knowing more. Instead of feeling less confident, I feel somehow more. Strange.

Not really strange. You got lots more going for you. I think his thing with her will run its course. In fact, I think it is already going that way, and the evidence to support this is there. Patience (again).

Maybe it's b/c I believe that yes, although looks count, they don't mean that you're going to plan a life around them (thanks Nomo ).

You bet kid!

I don't intend on being available for many/most/any get-to-gethers with H & S4 anytime soon.

Be available if you want to for you.

I will keep the friendly, upbeat, confident me intact for glimpses as I'm going about my life though.

Good plan.

:) now I am jealous

Me too Dave!! Lucky b@st@rd doesn't even know how good he's got it.

He is infatuated with OW but probably cant see a future and is hanging on to you as a " backstop" as best as he can. Thats how I see it .

Actually, I believe he is well past infatuation. I think he is on the downhill side of that peak. He just is scared and cofnused and would prefer not to make a decision if he doesn't have to. He sees Sunny as more than a backstop now. He is slowly remembering why he fell in love with her in the first place, and why he married her. It is just a slow process, and he's scared (understandably).

Patience (yet again). Focus on you. Act as if. Stop the chase. There you go Sunny. All you need to know.

Much love,
Nomo ")