I know Sara... I just keep thinking that if I was loving and supportive and knew back then what I know now maybe it would've been different. At least it wouldn't be where I am now.... What frustrates me is that I did them while being ignorant and just didn't know how to treat her properly. I never had any examples or role models in regards to a good relationship. I was completely clueless. I had no clue what I was doing was hurting her. It just absolutely didn't occur to me. I didn't maliciously do them on purpose with a plan to hurt her. Of course right now with her pain goggles on she could careless where I was coming from.... I'm just so hoping and praying that she can put aside her pain and forgive.
So right now her belief is that she needs to rebuild her self confidence in order to deal with anything else. If she can be as strong as she can be then she has a chance to deal with the resentment. Otherwise we have no chance. She's just not wanting to see that Retrouvaille can give us so much hope and make things a lot easier to deal with. I'm hoping that when she feels she is strong enough to face our problems then she would consider Retrouvaille as a starting point.... I think right now she is so afraid to be hurt again... I am just not sure what I can do to make her feel like I'm a different person and I will not do those bad things again. Any suggestions?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
