CVA - Desperate Housewives

[new_attitude]

I agree with all of your wise friends- this might be a good time to start looking for a new place, but definitely discuss it w/ w first. Do your kids ever ask to see your apt?

[Not Much Left]

No they don't. As you would suspect, I am wary of pushing a button, "the button"? Can't be scared of everything, but so far everytime I have teried to talk about status, which this could lead to if not carefully worded, she completely clams up. Which of course is infuriating.


After 7 mos and what has been going on, amazxing to me she can still be so shut down and "afraid" to talk when she is the one who spoke up originally.

[savingus77]

I agree CVA - it is VERY important that you do all that you can to keep this conversation strictly about your living situation. Preface everything you say with letting her know that you aware that she still needs time & space and that you want to give that to her - but you feel like you need to make a change in your living arrangements and would like to make sure that she is involved in that decision since it will affect her & the kids as well.

Can you get a couple cosmo's in her first?

[SuperDad]

My opinion (worth the ink it's printed on),

She should be in the shabby apt. and CVA in the house. If she wants out, if she wants time and space to think, this gives her all of that.

CVA is letting her have her cake and eat it too.

OK, in the interest of full disclosure, this has not worked out perfectly for me as my WAW is still living in our guest room. Nevertheless, I believe that it is (at least for me) the right thing to do.

SD

[SuperDad]

so far everytime I have teried to talk about status, which this could lead to if not carefully worded, she completely clams up. Which of course is infuriating.

My W is exactly the same way. My IC says it is because she has absolutely no clue what she wants and is like a deer in the headlights whenever any reality pokes its way into the imaginary world she has created inside her head!

SD

[Nomopo]

so far everytime I have teried to talk about status, which this could lead to if not carefully worded, she completely clams up. Which of course is infuriating.


After 7 mos and what has been going on, amazxing to me she can still be so shut down and "afraid" to talk when she is the one who spoke up originally.

Hi CVA - it's because she doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't want to make a decision.

Nomo

[Nomopo]

Sounds like SD's IC and I htink alike on your W not knowing what she wants.

My opinion (worth the ink it's printed on),

She should be in the shabby apt. and CVA in the house. If she wants out, if she wants time and space to think, this gives her all of that.

Easier said than done, especially now, and very explosive. Maybe even punitive/vindictive. Plus, how would he do this with the kids. Creating a big ugly battle ain't good for the little ones. It's a tricky situation all around. I like him moving into better digs more. Then the reality of a divorce can sink in some more. And you should get some agreed to time with the kids, collectively, and one-on-one if possible.

CVA is letting her have her cake and eat it too.

Agree 100%. Needs to stop. Him moving up and taking the kids some can give her a better dose of reality. CVA also needs to stop the chase; stop being so "available" to her. As WAW1978 pointed out.

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

I want a hose in malibu with the chick from Las Vegas (fri night show!) But can't decide what kind....does that count as not knowing what I want?


GHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEZ

"I don't know what I WANT (whiny voice here" enough already!

[Not Much Left]

Oh, I meant which chick, the blonde or the brunette!

Thanks for the advice everyone, duly noted. Sorry for the humor, my sick way of dealing.

C

[Not Much Left]

Hey Nomo
What's up?