I read through the sitch line again. OK, there were some bad things that you did, but you did them in context with the bad things she did. I think she blames you for her depression, which is most probably symptomatic of her life and she would have been depressed no matter who she was with or what she was doing. You are not responsible for her depression. There are problems within the marriage that could be dealt with in therapy and communication problems that could be solved in Retrouvaille. I know the answer, she won't do them.
But you need to stop feeling so guilty. She is who she is, and she is responsible for herself.
